As I go to bed each night, I always think of what I could write on this blog, and at 11pm or at 3am in the morning, they seem pretty inspirational. Now as I sit here, I'm drawing a blank as I'm more focused on what I'm trying to get done today on the computer.
I'm printing off the application package to the Ontario College of Social Workers/Social Service Workers as I'm typing. I'm retarded: I know I've only been off work for just over two months, but I'm already thinking of (a) going back to work and (b) how I would much rather find a new job. So even though I've worked in the field since 2004, I am not an RSSW or RSW... so I'm thinking of applying to register. I do not have an SSW diploma or SW degree but I think I would qualify for the RSSW qualification based on my academic credentials and experience. So that's the firs thing I'm tackling. I've also started bookmarking possible future employers on the computer - of course they all have job openings right now... who knows if they will later on when I'm ready to head back to work?
I really don't know why I'm so obsessed with work and finding new/better employment. Where I work isn't that bad. I think my biggest complaint is that it seems like management is becoming more controlling and is not letting the frontline workers do their jobs. And they micro-manage everything which makes me feel like they don't trust my judgement... Ah well.
So I think my next big task is to update my resume. Sigh.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
2 Month Vaccinations are done!!!
And I'm back after a bit of a hiatus... I wish I could post more often but having a little one doesn't leave for much free time right now.
Things are going really well. The babe is now just over 9 weeks old (OMFG!!) and had her first round of vaccinations this past Wednesday. The poor dear was such a trooper and while she did complain quite a bit, it didn't last for more than 10 minutes or so. I thought she was getting only one needle but no, it was two. :( One in each thigh. And they went deep (in mom's opinion anyways). On the upside, she slept most of the day away... I gave her some tylenol in the PM just to help her settle because she was still sensitive at the injection sites. But she hasn't had a fever from the vaccinations, which is great. She had no problems yesterday but today she has developed a runny/stuffy nose. Honestly there's nothing sadder than seeing a little baby struggle with mucus in her nose and not being able to blow it. :(
On a personal note, I have started bagpipe lessons. Yep, you're reading that right. Bagpipe lessons!!!! I've always wanted to join a pipe and drum band. I love the sound of the pipes... it's the greatest thing IMO. I might be a bit biased because I took Highland dancing as a child and then spent 14 odd years in the army (love marching to the pipes!). But I've always wanted to learn to play the pipes. So now I'm doing it!! I don't have a set of bagpipes yet but I'm learning all the songs on my practice chanter. The best part about all of this, is that it's free. I've joined the local P&D band and they provide free tuition and then will loan me a set of pipes as long as I remain a member. Hell yeah!!! I can't wait to actually get an actual set of bagpipes and then my P&D band uniform!
I'm such a geek. LOL! :)
Today there was a local mom-to-mom sale in town and I finally got a Bumbo Seat for the little one! It's gently used and I picked up the tray to go along with it. Altogether, $48 well spent IMO. And I got the lavendar one! :) (I was hoping to get a pink or lavendar one... never saw them at Babies R Us... they always had green). I've already put the babe in it and she seemed to like it. Although she didn't spend too much time in it today.
The little one is growing like a weed too - there has been so many changes in the past nine weeks. Her voice is changing and she has gone through her "cranky stage." She's now learning to put herself to sleep - for the past few nights, after she wakes up for a feed, I just put her back in her crib and let her settle herself. Nine times out of ten, she manages to do so. (yayness!) And yesterday night, for the first time, she only woke once!! She had her last feed at midnight, one around 3 am and then didn't wake up till 8:30am!! Tell me how happy mommy was! Hopefully this is a sign that she's physically maturing and will start sleeping through the night soon.
Things are going really well. The babe is now just over 9 weeks old (OMFG!!) and had her first round of vaccinations this past Wednesday. The poor dear was such a trooper and while she did complain quite a bit, it didn't last for more than 10 minutes or so. I thought she was getting only one needle but no, it was two. :( One in each thigh. And they went deep (in mom's opinion anyways). On the upside, she slept most of the day away... I gave her some tylenol in the PM just to help her settle because she was still sensitive at the injection sites. But she hasn't had a fever from the vaccinations, which is great. She had no problems yesterday but today she has developed a runny/stuffy nose. Honestly there's nothing sadder than seeing a little baby struggle with mucus in her nose and not being able to blow it. :(
On a personal note, I have started bagpipe lessons. Yep, you're reading that right. Bagpipe lessons!!!! I've always wanted to join a pipe and drum band. I love the sound of the pipes... it's the greatest thing IMO. I might be a bit biased because I took Highland dancing as a child and then spent 14 odd years in the army (love marching to the pipes!). But I've always wanted to learn to play the pipes. So now I'm doing it!! I don't have a set of bagpipes yet but I'm learning all the songs on my practice chanter. The best part about all of this, is that it's free. I've joined the local P&D band and they provide free tuition and then will loan me a set of pipes as long as I remain a member. Hell yeah!!! I can't wait to actually get an actual set of bagpipes and then my P&D band uniform!
I'm such a geek. LOL! :)
Today there was a local mom-to-mom sale in town and I finally got a Bumbo Seat for the little one! It's gently used and I picked up the tray to go along with it. Altogether, $48 well spent IMO. And I got the lavendar one! :) (I was hoping to get a pink or lavendar one... never saw them at Babies R Us... they always had green). I've already put the babe in it and she seemed to like it. Although she didn't spend too much time in it today.
The little one is growing like a weed too - there has been so many changes in the past nine weeks. Her voice is changing and she has gone through her "cranky stage." She's now learning to put herself to sleep - for the past few nights, after she wakes up for a feed, I just put her back in her crib and let her settle herself. Nine times out of ten, she manages to do so. (yayness!) And yesterday night, for the first time, she only woke once!! She had her last feed at midnight, one around 3 am and then didn't wake up till 8:30am!! Tell me how happy mommy was! Hopefully this is a sign that she's physically maturing and will start sleeping through the night soon.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
This is the first time in a while that I can actually log onto the computer and have some time to write. Baby is finally sleeping peacefully beside me... Today has been a rough day so far. She first woke up around 7:45am and had a snack and went back to sleep for about an hour. Then she was up till about noon fussing. Not constantly but it was like one thing lead to another: first she was hungry so we had a bottle; then she had her diaper changed; then it was gas; then she pooped; then she was over stimulated; then she was hungry again.... or those are the reasons I attribute to her fussiness. Honestly, I don't know but she fussed/cried on and off that whole time. What seems to calm her down is a lot of bouncing and going outside into the fresh air. I'm just so excited that she's sleeping right now and I really really hope that it'll be for a few hours at least.
I've been AWOL for a while because of baby mostly. Until the last few days, she's been an angel throughout the day but come the "witching hour" (usually around 9pm) she seems to know that it's bedtime and just refuses to go to sleep. For the last week or so, only her dad has been able to settle her at night to the point where she can go to sleep. And unfortunately, she's been going down around 11:30pm every night. This makes me sad. :( And of course her first nightly wake-up is around 2am which makes for a very short sleep. Her next wake up though is usually around 5 or 6am which is nice and then around 9am... So it may be just a matter of getting her sleep sorted out eventually.
She is six weeks old today so hopefully things are going to start changing soon... Allegedly (according to alot of the literature I've been perusing as of late) the period of six to eight weeks is the peak of the fussiness in babies, especially when it comes to sleeping, and then it's all downhill from there. I really hope this is true because I get so frustrated when she's inconsolable and just continues to cry and cry and cry.
When she's not crying though, she's an absolute peach. She's gaining more muscle control in her neck and can easily lift her head when she's lying on her stomach. She's also smiling a tonne in her sleep and I think she's smiled at us a few times while awake. They weren't full blown grins though and I don't think she really knew what she was doing, so I'm not really counting them as smiles. :P She's also making some neat cooing noises now and has changed the sound of her cries.
I can't believe it's already been six weeks since I've had her... and I can't believe it's been only six weeks. It seems like she's always been with us.
Of course me being the neurotic person that I am (or obsessive, or whatever) I'm already thinking of what it's going to be like to go back to work for me. I'm really not looking forward to returning to where I work (there have been alot of changes since I've been gone already) and so I've started to browse various employers for work. Isn't that crazy???? Oh well... My two biggest thing that would lead me to changes jobs is pay and benefits. I need to make at least as much as I am now and I need equal or better benefits. The one thing that I don't have right now is a "top up" to maternity leave benefits paid by EI so finding an employer that would help out if I ever go off on mat leave again would be wonderful. That and if I could continue contributing to my OMERS pension... I guess I have a whole year (or almost) to figure this out...
I've been AWOL for a while because of baby mostly. Until the last few days, she's been an angel throughout the day but come the "witching hour" (usually around 9pm) she seems to know that it's bedtime and just refuses to go to sleep. For the last week or so, only her dad has been able to settle her at night to the point where she can go to sleep. And unfortunately, she's been going down around 11:30pm every night. This makes me sad. :( And of course her first nightly wake-up is around 2am which makes for a very short sleep. Her next wake up though is usually around 5 or 6am which is nice and then around 9am... So it may be just a matter of getting her sleep sorted out eventually.
She is six weeks old today so hopefully things are going to start changing soon... Allegedly (according to alot of the literature I've been perusing as of late) the period of six to eight weeks is the peak of the fussiness in babies, especially when it comes to sleeping, and then it's all downhill from there. I really hope this is true because I get so frustrated when she's inconsolable and just continues to cry and cry and cry.
When she's not crying though, she's an absolute peach. She's gaining more muscle control in her neck and can easily lift her head when she's lying on her stomach. She's also smiling a tonne in her sleep and I think she's smiled at us a few times while awake. They weren't full blown grins though and I don't think she really knew what she was doing, so I'm not really counting them as smiles. :P She's also making some neat cooing noises now and has changed the sound of her cries.
I can't believe it's already been six weeks since I've had her... and I can't believe it's been only six weeks. It seems like she's always been with us.
Of course me being the neurotic person that I am (or obsessive, or whatever) I'm already thinking of what it's going to be like to go back to work for me. I'm really not looking forward to returning to where I work (there have been alot of changes since I've been gone already) and so I've started to browse various employers for work. Isn't that crazy???? Oh well... My two biggest thing that would lead me to changes jobs is pay and benefits. I need to make at least as much as I am now and I need equal or better benefits. The one thing that I don't have right now is a "top up" to maternity leave benefits paid by EI so finding an employer that would help out if I ever go off on mat leave again would be wonderful. That and if I could continue contributing to my OMERS pension... I guess I have a whole year (or almost) to figure this out...
Thursday, September 11, 2008
...a better day...
Just a really quick post right now as I have to get ready to head out to a friend's going away party. I've worked with her for the past 2 years or so and she's getting transferred to a different part of her agency. I'll still see her sometimes but won't be working with her anymore. Of course I'm feeling rushed as I went and joined the local Pipe & Drum band last week (I've been wanting to learn to play the pipes for years and now I finally have the chance!!) and of course practices are on Thursday nights. So I'm running out to my friend's party and then heading over to my first P&D practice. Fun stuff.
The baby kept us up for sometime last night... she awoke around 10:30pm for a feeding and didn't go down till 1am!! Insane! Then she was up again at 5am (thank goodness for the 4hr break!) and kept me up till 7am! I have no idea why she's so wide awake. She was quite fussy at the midnight awake period and we tried everything and ended up having to give her some gripe water and she was still awake for 45min after the fact. She wasn't fussy at her feeding at dawn but she did not want to go back to sleep at all. I'm thinking she might have her internal clock confused or something. So now comes the challenge of getting her back on schedule. The reason I'm thinking this is because she's slept for most of the day to this point... I've tried keeping her up after a feeding during the day and playing with her and she just passes right out, back to dreamland. Ugh.
We had our 4wk MW appointment yesterday. Baby is 8lb 8oz and completely healthy. The MW figures she's just being fussy because of a growth spurt. She did recommend the gripe water (sans alcohol) for gas but other than that... it's just letting her do her thing which can include keeping mommy and daddy up for quite some time. Oh well. They're only young once right?
And John was a total sweetheart today and let me sleep in after I went back to bed at 7am or so. I slept till 11am and was woken to breakfast in bed! This is why I love my husband!! :D
The baby kept us up for sometime last night... she awoke around 10:30pm for a feeding and didn't go down till 1am!! Insane! Then she was up again at 5am (thank goodness for the 4hr break!) and kept me up till 7am! I have no idea why she's so wide awake. She was quite fussy at the midnight awake period and we tried everything and ended up having to give her some gripe water and she was still awake for 45min after the fact. She wasn't fussy at her feeding at dawn but she did not want to go back to sleep at all. I'm thinking she might have her internal clock confused or something. So now comes the challenge of getting her back on schedule. The reason I'm thinking this is because she's slept for most of the day to this point... I've tried keeping her up after a feeding during the day and playing with her and she just passes right out, back to dreamland. Ugh.
We had our 4wk MW appointment yesterday. Baby is 8lb 8oz and completely healthy. The MW figures she's just being fussy because of a growth spurt. She did recommend the gripe water (sans alcohol) for gas but other than that... it's just letting her do her thing which can include keeping mommy and daddy up for quite some time. Oh well. They're only young once right?
And John was a total sweetheart today and let me sleep in after I went back to bed at 7am or so. I slept till 11am and was woken to breakfast in bed! This is why I love my husband!! :D
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Just a poopy day...
Today is just not a good day. Baby was up quite a bit last night: she was up with John for almost 2 hours around 1am after which he woke me up to take over as he was exhausted and had run out of ideas. Luckily, after only about 15 minutes of soothing her, she went back to bed quite easily. Then it's my turn. She woke up again just before 4am for another feed. Got the feed into her, changed her diaper and then the screaming started. Just bloodcurdling screaming. She was indicating that she was hungry so I tried to feed her... but she pushed her bottle away. So we tried burping and that just seemed to make the screams worse. All in all, I tried everything I could imagine to soothe her and it just didn't seem to be working. :( This went on for two hours. I would be able to calm her down for a few minutes and then something would set her off. I have no idea what. It could've been gas, it could've been anything. She finally settled enough to fall asleep around 6am... and was back up again at 8am. Just completely exhausting.
For me, it's more emotionally draining than physically. I can deal with not sleeping. I have a hard time dealing with feeling helpless in relieving whatever is paining my little one. I've never felt so helpless before in being able to do something. I don't understand what is bothering her and after trying everything I know, I am at a loss. And her cry is so distressing to me. Yikes. So needless to say, today was spent with quite a bit of tears shed on my part...
All I can say is thank goodness John is home. I would have no idea how to deal with all of this on my own on a regular basis. He is such a lifesaver (and sanity saver) for me on days like this.
And this may be premature but I'm worrying now that the babe is developing colic or something to that effect. I'm sure I'm just overreacting but she has been so gassy and fussy (and having difficulty burping... but no difficulty farting). I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid. Oh and of course she had me worried because she went all day yesterday without pooping. Her last poop was on Sunday night and then nothing yesterday. Of course I called the midwife this morning and within an hour after talking with her, the babe went poop. So I'm relieved. But still, I wish she'd not scare me like that. ;)
For me, it's more emotionally draining than physically. I can deal with not sleeping. I have a hard time dealing with feeling helpless in relieving whatever is paining my little one. I've never felt so helpless before in being able to do something. I don't understand what is bothering her and after trying everything I know, I am at a loss. And her cry is so distressing to me. Yikes. So needless to say, today was spent with quite a bit of tears shed on my part...
All I can say is thank goodness John is home. I would have no idea how to deal with all of this on my own on a regular basis. He is such a lifesaver (and sanity saver) for me on days like this.
And this may be premature but I'm worrying now that the babe is developing colic or something to that effect. I'm sure I'm just overreacting but she has been so gassy and fussy (and having difficulty burping... but no difficulty farting). I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid. Oh and of course she had me worried because she went all day yesterday without pooping. Her last poop was on Sunday night and then nothing yesterday. Of course I called the midwife this morning and within an hour after talking with her, the babe went poop. So I'm relieved. But still, I wish she'd not scare me like that. ;)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
My goodness it has been a busy few days. My parents arrived in town this past Tuesday and have been visiting almost everyday since and John's bio. dad and step mom were in town for the long weekend so we caught up with them too and some other relatives as well that John hadn't seen in years (and I've never met).
John and baby are sleeping right now so I have some nice happy quiet time to myself to just surf the interweb and do 'stuff.' LOL. That includes checking facebook and some other forums I frequent as well as updating this blog and looking for stuff to buy online. Yeah, I'm a loser. :)
I was going to go shopping today but John convinced me that we can just stay home today and putter around the house... which ended up being him napping and me chilling. Not that I'm complaining. It's actually nice to have some time at home doing nothing.
This weekend was weird at my older brother's place. Since my parents are visiting (and staying with him) he decided to host a bbq for the family which involved us attending as well as my younger brother from TO. Needless to say, the tension that ensued while we were all together was felt by all (I think). Unfortunately, IMO, my younger brother is nowhere better - in fact I think he's getting worse. Or more brainwashed. I don't know. He's quite religious (I once again don't know why... I have my theories which include that his religious-ness is an attempt to gain favour with our mother but whatever) and he puts on this whole 'show' about being so pious and religious. I was talking with my sister-in-law and we both agree that he would really benefit from some lifeskills groups or something just to help him understand etiquette/proper behaviour around others. I think it's just something he never learned. Case in point: he showed up at my brother's to stay for the weekend in just the clothes on his back and his medication. No overnight bag packed with a change of clothes, shower/hygiene kit or anything. So no toothbrush, no shampoo, no change of underwear. Pretty much lacking everything you or I would pack if we were going to be staying somewhere overnight or for a few days (he was to stay with them for 3 nights). I know alot of this has to do with his illness and not having learned the social skills when he needed to but alot has to do with my mother's enabling as well. Which brings me to the other thing that really bothered me this weekend: was how much she catered to his wants (I was going to write needs but they're not needs, they're wants) and entertains his crazy ideas. Instead of helping him and guiding him and teaching him what is acceptable and what isn't... she makes excuses for his behaviour and tries to cover up his mistakes. All, once again IMO, in an attempt to make him seem 'normal.' So sad and maddening all at the same time.
Needless to say, by the end of the bbq (I think we were there for 5-6 hrs max) I was mentally exhausted and ready to leave.
What really bothers me and makes me sad is that I would love to have a relationship with my younger brother. I would love to have him over at our place and I would love for him to feel included in our family. However, I cannot get past the weirdness and his quirks really irritate the shit out of me. In the past I've tried to let him know this (in a nice way) in an attempt to have him work on his behaviours and then us being able to just hang out. But it doesn't work. That and I'm not religious by any means and my brother knows that the easiest way to push my buttons is to start spewing religious crap at me and he does this all the time... I don't know if it's to actually get me going or what. So that's another irritating thing.
So I really don't know what to do.
On a happy positive note, Baby is sleeping 3-4 hours at a stretch now which is fantastic. Also, John and I rotate feedings so each of us is only up once in the middle of the night. This is so helpful to me it's unbelieveable. I really don't know how those mothers who solely breastfeed and have to do all the feedings themselves do it. They are truly superwomen because I would be absolutely exhausted in less than a week if I had to be up every two hours myself. So hats off and kudos to those women!!!!!
Yes, we're bottlefeeding and formula feeding the little one. I tried breastfeeding but unfortunately, I don't have enough milk (I had a breast reduction in 2004). I tried pumping at the hospital and I'm still trying to pump at home but it takes me a few days to pump enough milk for one bottle... so we're formula feeding. Honestly, I don't feel bad or guilty about this choice whatsoever. Ideally I would have loved to breastfeed but I know that I can't and I'm okay with that. And like I said earlier, it's very helpful that John can help with the feedings which he wouldn't have been able to if I was breastfeeding exclusively.
The next thing we really have to master are the diaper changes. LOL. The babe still manages to catch us by surprise at times and even today we went through three diapers for one changing because she wasn't done pooping when we started to change her. So yeah, there are those surprises every so often. :)
John and baby are sleeping right now so I have some nice happy quiet time to myself to just surf the interweb and do 'stuff.' LOL. That includes checking facebook and some other forums I frequent as well as updating this blog and looking for stuff to buy online. Yeah, I'm a loser. :)
I was going to go shopping today but John convinced me that we can just stay home today and putter around the house... which ended up being him napping and me chilling. Not that I'm complaining. It's actually nice to have some time at home doing nothing.
This weekend was weird at my older brother's place. Since my parents are visiting (and staying with him) he decided to host a bbq for the family which involved us attending as well as my younger brother from TO. Needless to say, the tension that ensued while we were all together was felt by all (I think). Unfortunately, IMO, my younger brother is nowhere better - in fact I think he's getting worse. Or more brainwashed. I don't know. He's quite religious (I once again don't know why... I have my theories which include that his religious-ness is an attempt to gain favour with our mother but whatever) and he puts on this whole 'show' about being so pious and religious. I was talking with my sister-in-law and we both agree that he would really benefit from some lifeskills groups or something just to help him understand etiquette/proper behaviour around others. I think it's just something he never learned. Case in point: he showed up at my brother's to stay for the weekend in just the clothes on his back and his medication. No overnight bag packed with a change of clothes, shower/hygiene kit or anything. So no toothbrush, no shampoo, no change of underwear. Pretty much lacking everything you or I would pack if we were going to be staying somewhere overnight or for a few days (he was to stay with them for 3 nights). I know alot of this has to do with his illness and not having learned the social skills when he needed to but alot has to do with my mother's enabling as well. Which brings me to the other thing that really bothered me this weekend: was how much she catered to his wants (I was going to write needs but they're not needs, they're wants) and entertains his crazy ideas. Instead of helping him and guiding him and teaching him what is acceptable and what isn't... she makes excuses for his behaviour and tries to cover up his mistakes. All, once again IMO, in an attempt to make him seem 'normal.' So sad and maddening all at the same time.
Needless to say, by the end of the bbq (I think we were there for 5-6 hrs max) I was mentally exhausted and ready to leave.
What really bothers me and makes me sad is that I would love to have a relationship with my younger brother. I would love to have him over at our place and I would love for him to feel included in our family. However, I cannot get past the weirdness and his quirks really irritate the shit out of me. In the past I've tried to let him know this (in a nice way) in an attempt to have him work on his behaviours and then us being able to just hang out. But it doesn't work. That and I'm not religious by any means and my brother knows that the easiest way to push my buttons is to start spewing religious crap at me and he does this all the time... I don't know if it's to actually get me going or what. So that's another irritating thing.
So I really don't know what to do.
On a happy positive note, Baby is sleeping 3-4 hours at a stretch now which is fantastic. Also, John and I rotate feedings so each of us is only up once in the middle of the night. This is so helpful to me it's unbelieveable. I really don't know how those mothers who solely breastfeed and have to do all the feedings themselves do it. They are truly superwomen because I would be absolutely exhausted in less than a week if I had to be up every two hours myself. So hats off and kudos to those women!!!!!
Yes, we're bottlefeeding and formula feeding the little one. I tried breastfeeding but unfortunately, I don't have enough milk (I had a breast reduction in 2004). I tried pumping at the hospital and I'm still trying to pump at home but it takes me a few days to pump enough milk for one bottle... so we're formula feeding. Honestly, I don't feel bad or guilty about this choice whatsoever. Ideally I would have loved to breastfeed but I know that I can't and I'm okay with that. And like I said earlier, it's very helpful that John can help with the feedings which he wouldn't have been able to if I was breastfeeding exclusively.
The next thing we really have to master are the diaper changes. LOL. The babe still manages to catch us by surprise at times and even today we went through three diapers for one changing because she wasn't done pooping when we started to change her. So yeah, there are those surprises every so often. :)
Friday, August 29, 2008
Randoms
I have some time right now so I'm just going to post a little bit. We finally got the laptop back from the shop so I can sit in the living room or wherever and go online while the babe is sleeping. Alot has happened in the past two weeks so while I can't capture everything here, I'll do my best.
We were in the hospital until the Saturday (16th). That afternoon we had some friends come over who are due on September 1st (and as of this post have not gone into labour yet) and my brother and sister-in-law and niece came over as well. On the Sunday, John's dad came over to see the babe too.
The first week at home was relatively easy compared to the doom and gloom stories all of our friends with children keep on trying to impart on us (you know the whole "you'll never sleep again", "you're life is forever changed" crap). The MW came out twice to do home visits and to make sure the little one was well. On discharge from the hospital she was 6lb 12oz and by the end of the first week at home she was 7lb 4oz!!
~~ saved at this point as baby awoke ~~
Saturday, August 30, 2008
We had our two week appointment at the MW clinic this past Thursday - She's now weighing in at 7lb 12oz! On the not-so-funny side, apparently I cannot dissolve stitches so the MW had to go in and remove all the stitches I received after the birth. Talk about not fun. But I tell you, my comfort level increased almost immediately and the lochia I've been experiencing has drastically reduced itself since that appointment. So all in all, not a bad day.
On Thursday we also stopped by John's work to show off the babe and to the tattoo studio we frequent to show our friends the babe. Of course everyone forgets about mom and dad at this point and completely spoils the little one.
My parents also arrived in town this past week and have been visiting us the past few days. Today (Saturday) was the first day they didn't come by. Tomorrow we're going to my brother's for a BBQ (that's where the 'rents are staying)... I have a sneaking suspicion that there will be more people there too (my younger bro and some of my parents' friends.) Whatever: we have the perfect excuse for leaving when we want to. :)
We were in the hospital until the Saturday (16th). That afternoon we had some friends come over who are due on September 1st (and as of this post have not gone into labour yet) and my brother and sister-in-law and niece came over as well. On the Sunday, John's dad came over to see the babe too.
The first week at home was relatively easy compared to the doom and gloom stories all of our friends with children keep on trying to impart on us (you know the whole "you'll never sleep again", "you're life is forever changed" crap). The MW came out twice to do home visits and to make sure the little one was well. On discharge from the hospital she was 6lb 12oz and by the end of the first week at home she was 7lb 4oz!!
~~ saved at this point as baby awoke ~~
Saturday, August 30, 2008
We had our two week appointment at the MW clinic this past Thursday - She's now weighing in at 7lb 12oz! On the not-so-funny side, apparently I cannot dissolve stitches so the MW had to go in and remove all the stitches I received after the birth. Talk about not fun. But I tell you, my comfort level increased almost immediately and the lochia I've been experiencing has drastically reduced itself since that appointment. So all in all, not a bad day.
On Thursday we also stopped by John's work to show off the babe and to the tattoo studio we frequent to show our friends the babe. Of course everyone forgets about mom and dad at this point and completely spoils the little one.
My parents also arrived in town this past week and have been visiting us the past few days. Today (Saturday) was the first day they didn't come by. Tomorrow we're going to my brother's for a BBQ (that's where the 'rents are staying)... I have a sneaking suspicion that there will be more people there too (my younger bro and some of my parents' friends.) Whatever: we have the perfect excuse for leaving when we want to. :)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Birth Story
WOW! It's been a while! I guess the first and foremost exciting news is that we had our baby born on August 14 @ 1:08pm!! She is an absolute angel and I'm loving every minute of mommyhood so far!!
Her birth story is quite amazing and I am going to try and post it all right now... we'll see how successful I am as I'm on the computer while baby naps and I can't predict how much longer she'll be asleep right now.
So on August 13 around 10:30am, my water broke. It was not the soap opera-style gushing that you see on tv by any means, but more of a trickle. It honeslty felt like I was peeing my pants without the actual peeing feeling (if that makes sense). It was just a constant warm trickle. Of course this happened while I was taking a walk (back from Tim Horton's no less). I told John that I thought my water had broken but wasn't 100% sure... so I just put on a pad and decided to walk to the mailboxes to pick up our mail. By the time I got back, I was much more sure that it was definitely my water that had broken. So we chilled out for a bit and then I decided to page my midwife to let her know (around 1pm). The MW gave us the option to come into the clinic to get assessed or she would drive out to our place, so I decided that a drive into town wouldn't be too bad and arranged to meet with her at 2pm.
At the clinic the MW tested to make sure it was amniotic fluid that I was leaking (it was!) and did an internal - I was still only 3cm dilated but 80% effaced (up from 50% on Monday) so she said the best thing to do right now is to go home and she would come out after work to our place to assess me again. At this point I was having regular contractions about 5-6 minutes apart but they weren't productive according to the MW as they were more focused around my lower abdomen and not the top of my fundus.
The MW came out as promised at 7pm and assessed me again - still at 3cm dilated but 100% effaced! She also felt a contraction and said that they were getting stronger but still not true labour despite their regularity of being 4-5min apart now. So we agreed that she would go home, have dinner and come back around 11pm for another assessment.
Up to this point, the contractions were more than bearable and I didn't have to do any breathing or anything to get through them....
At 11pm the MW was back at our place and did another internal. And finally I had progressed and was between 4-5cm dilated! So she decided to stay and labour with me as part of my birth plan was to labour at home as long as possible before going to the hospital. Around 11:30pm we decided to take a walk around the block and this turned into an hour and a half walk! It was quite nice though as it was warm out and almost a full moon. My contractions were definitely getting stronger at this point, but I could still breath and walk through them. Back at home I laboured on the exercise ball, on all fours, in any position that seemed comfortable.
Unfortunately, one of the things we discovered is that the little one was "sunny side up" in my pelvis so the back labour I started experiencing around 2am was not fun. The back pain seemed to intensify as my contractions became more progressive. The MW talked to me about sterile water injections which at first I declined to help with the back labour. At 3am the MW did another internal - in four hours I had progressed to 8cm!! So at this time, we had to make the decision to transfer to the hospital to continue (part of my original birth plan) or to continue labouring at home and try for a home birth! We talked about the pros and cons of both really quickly and decided to stay at home and try for the home birth. At this point I asked for the sterile water injection because the back pain was becoming close to unbearable. I have to mention that the stinging of the injections (there are 4) was undescribable. And I'm not a wuss or a stranger to needles and pain by any means seeing as how I have subjected myself to hours and hours of tattoo work... but seriously, this sterile water injection hurt!! But it definitely did provide a tonne of relief within 30 sec if not less. I'll be honest, I think I was a different person for a while and the MW even commented that she's never seen someone in Transition who was this calm. I was able to easily breath through my contractions and actually watch some tv!
Since we had decided to try for a home birth, the MW started setting everything up. I had received the home birth kit at my appointment on Monday and the MW had brought her equipment as well. We got our bedroom ready and were set up for a home birth! At this point, I was quite excited at the prospect of delivering at home and having a baby before 7am (MW's prediction). Around 4:30am, we decided to move to the bedroom and my MW started making phonecalls to get my secondary MW to our place. Unfortunately, the MW who was actually designated as my second had been up all night at a home birth herself, so she was unavailable. Same with my backup MW. So we ended up meeting a fourth MW who was wonderful!
Around 5am I entered second stage labour and started having the urge to push. I laboured in almost every position imaginable: on all fours, on the birthing stool, in the McRoberts' position, on my side. Unfortunately, the little one was having different ideas and she continued to remain high in my pelvis (around +1 station) and was not descending whatsoever. From what the MWs could tell, in addition to being posterior (sunny side up), the baby had her head cocked a bit which resulted in her cheek being caught up in my pelvis. Not fun. So that is why we tried all the different positions we could to try and open up my pelvic cavity and dislodge her. Unfortunately, after two hours of pushing, it just wasn't happening.
So at 7am (Aug 14) we decided to transfer to the hospital. This was not fun. By this point, my urge to push at each contraction was so overwhelming that it just completely overtook my body. I was actually quite worried as to how I would survive the car ride to the hospital as I was physically and emotionally exhausted and just ready for this baby to be born. I have to mention here too that the car ride to the hospital from our place is about 25 minutes so this made the idea of the impending transfer just that much more daunting. I was also secretly kicking myself for not opting to stick to my original birth plan and going to the hospital at 8cm.
But it had to be done. At this point, my primary MW, having been up for more than 24 hours tagged out and the secondary MW accompanied us to the hospital and would remain with us through the delivery. We came up with a plan which involved her following behind us in her car, just in case my labour progressed and the baby descended more (and would be delivered!). Luckily nothing happened on the way to the hospital - except for five or six contractions which had me crawling up the walls in the car.
I was admitted to the hospital and luckily, the anesthetist on call was readily available and was able to give me an epidural quite quickly. Equally amazing was the fact that I only had one contraction while he was administering the epidural and it was mild enough that I could breath through it and prevent my body from pushing. The epidural itself was a godsend at this point. I was so exhausted and ready to take a break. However, the OB on call still had to examine me (not a pleasant experience even while on a epidural due to the amount of internal swelling I had by this point) and he managed to flip the baby while doing his exam so that she was now facing the proper (anterior) position. The game plan at this point was to allow my uterus to do some work and hopefully get the baby lower in my pelvis to try for a vaginal delivery. However, most of the medical team were pretty convinced that I'd end up with a c-section birth.
The epidural let me rest and I actually caught some sleep from 9am - 11am. This was wonderful! At 11am, the MW and one of the residents encouraged me to start pushing with the contractions and upped my pitocin drip. The experience in pushing without the epidural and now with the epidural really helped in knowing what muscles to use. The epidural really dulled any sense of pain and all I could feel throughout was some pressure.
Oh, I have to mention here too that the MW gave me a catheter upon admission to the hospital but took it out before I started pushing. Surprisingly the catheter was not painful at all and really just uncomfortable (I had a huge fear of the catheter prior to this experience).
From 11am onwards, I pushed with each contraction I felt. Apparently I was making some small progress and the resident reported back to the OB on-call every 30 minutes or so on how I was doing. I don't know at what time but I'm guessing around 12:30pm or so, he came in and did another exam and decided that he could do a vacuum-assisted delivery. So more medical staff were laid on (staff from pediatrics had to be called) and they prepped for a vaccuum delivery. I don't know what time the vaccuum was attached to the baby's head but after that, quite a tug of war ensued. I know I pushed through two or three contractions with the help of the vaccuum and after a while, the OB told me just to continue pushing.
He kept on pulling and at 1:08pm our little one was born!!!
She screamed right away, was wiped down and placed on my chest. It was absolutely amazing staring into her eyes and seeing how alert she was after such an arduous birth.
I delivered the placenta shortly afterwards (and even got to take a look at it!) and then the repair work began. According to the hospital notes, I had second degree lacerations but the OB also gave me a medio-lateral episiotomy to accommodate the delivery by vaccuum. The MW and resident stitched me up (took about a good 30+ minutes or so I think) and I got moved up to the maternity ward about 1.5 hours after giving birth.
~~ and baby awakes so I'll write more later
Her birth story is quite amazing and I am going to try and post it all right now... we'll see how successful I am as I'm on the computer while baby naps and I can't predict how much longer she'll be asleep right now.
So on August 13 around 10:30am, my water broke. It was not the soap opera-style gushing that you see on tv by any means, but more of a trickle. It honeslty felt like I was peeing my pants without the actual peeing feeling (if that makes sense). It was just a constant warm trickle. Of course this happened while I was taking a walk (back from Tim Horton's no less). I told John that I thought my water had broken but wasn't 100% sure... so I just put on a pad and decided to walk to the mailboxes to pick up our mail. By the time I got back, I was much more sure that it was definitely my water that had broken. So we chilled out for a bit and then I decided to page my midwife to let her know (around 1pm). The MW gave us the option to come into the clinic to get assessed or she would drive out to our place, so I decided that a drive into town wouldn't be too bad and arranged to meet with her at 2pm.
At the clinic the MW tested to make sure it was amniotic fluid that I was leaking (it was!) and did an internal - I was still only 3cm dilated but 80% effaced (up from 50% on Monday) so she said the best thing to do right now is to go home and she would come out after work to our place to assess me again. At this point I was having regular contractions about 5-6 minutes apart but they weren't productive according to the MW as they were more focused around my lower abdomen and not the top of my fundus.
The MW came out as promised at 7pm and assessed me again - still at 3cm dilated but 100% effaced! She also felt a contraction and said that they were getting stronger but still not true labour despite their regularity of being 4-5min apart now. So we agreed that she would go home, have dinner and come back around 11pm for another assessment.
Up to this point, the contractions were more than bearable and I didn't have to do any breathing or anything to get through them....
At 11pm the MW was back at our place and did another internal. And finally I had progressed and was between 4-5cm dilated! So she decided to stay and labour with me as part of my birth plan was to labour at home as long as possible before going to the hospital. Around 11:30pm we decided to take a walk around the block and this turned into an hour and a half walk! It was quite nice though as it was warm out and almost a full moon. My contractions were definitely getting stronger at this point, but I could still breath and walk through them. Back at home I laboured on the exercise ball, on all fours, in any position that seemed comfortable.
Unfortunately, one of the things we discovered is that the little one was "sunny side up" in my pelvis so the back labour I started experiencing around 2am was not fun. The back pain seemed to intensify as my contractions became more progressive. The MW talked to me about sterile water injections which at first I declined to help with the back labour. At 3am the MW did another internal - in four hours I had progressed to 8cm!! So at this time, we had to make the decision to transfer to the hospital to continue (part of my original birth plan) or to continue labouring at home and try for a home birth! We talked about the pros and cons of both really quickly and decided to stay at home and try for the home birth. At this point I asked for the sterile water injection because the back pain was becoming close to unbearable. I have to mention that the stinging of the injections (there are 4) was undescribable. And I'm not a wuss or a stranger to needles and pain by any means seeing as how I have subjected myself to hours and hours of tattoo work... but seriously, this sterile water injection hurt!! But it definitely did provide a tonne of relief within 30 sec if not less. I'll be honest, I think I was a different person for a while and the MW even commented that she's never seen someone in Transition who was this calm. I was able to easily breath through my contractions and actually watch some tv!
Since we had decided to try for a home birth, the MW started setting everything up. I had received the home birth kit at my appointment on Monday and the MW had brought her equipment as well. We got our bedroom ready and were set up for a home birth! At this point, I was quite excited at the prospect of delivering at home and having a baby before 7am (MW's prediction). Around 4:30am, we decided to move to the bedroom and my MW started making phonecalls to get my secondary MW to our place. Unfortunately, the MW who was actually designated as my second had been up all night at a home birth herself, so she was unavailable. Same with my backup MW. So we ended up meeting a fourth MW who was wonderful!
Around 5am I entered second stage labour and started having the urge to push. I laboured in almost every position imaginable: on all fours, on the birthing stool, in the McRoberts' position, on my side. Unfortunately, the little one was having different ideas and she continued to remain high in my pelvis (around +1 station) and was not descending whatsoever. From what the MWs could tell, in addition to being posterior (sunny side up), the baby had her head cocked a bit which resulted in her cheek being caught up in my pelvis. Not fun. So that is why we tried all the different positions we could to try and open up my pelvic cavity and dislodge her. Unfortunately, after two hours of pushing, it just wasn't happening.
So at 7am (Aug 14) we decided to transfer to the hospital. This was not fun. By this point, my urge to push at each contraction was so overwhelming that it just completely overtook my body. I was actually quite worried as to how I would survive the car ride to the hospital as I was physically and emotionally exhausted and just ready for this baby to be born. I have to mention here too that the car ride to the hospital from our place is about 25 minutes so this made the idea of the impending transfer just that much more daunting. I was also secretly kicking myself for not opting to stick to my original birth plan and going to the hospital at 8cm.
But it had to be done. At this point, my primary MW, having been up for more than 24 hours tagged out and the secondary MW accompanied us to the hospital and would remain with us through the delivery. We came up with a plan which involved her following behind us in her car, just in case my labour progressed and the baby descended more (and would be delivered!). Luckily nothing happened on the way to the hospital - except for five or six contractions which had me crawling up the walls in the car.
I was admitted to the hospital and luckily, the anesthetist on call was readily available and was able to give me an epidural quite quickly. Equally amazing was the fact that I only had one contraction while he was administering the epidural and it was mild enough that I could breath through it and prevent my body from pushing. The epidural itself was a godsend at this point. I was so exhausted and ready to take a break. However, the OB on call still had to examine me (not a pleasant experience even while on a epidural due to the amount of internal swelling I had by this point) and he managed to flip the baby while doing his exam so that she was now facing the proper (anterior) position. The game plan at this point was to allow my uterus to do some work and hopefully get the baby lower in my pelvis to try for a vaginal delivery. However, most of the medical team were pretty convinced that I'd end up with a c-section birth.
The epidural let me rest and I actually caught some sleep from 9am - 11am. This was wonderful! At 11am, the MW and one of the residents encouraged me to start pushing with the contractions and upped my pitocin drip. The experience in pushing without the epidural and now with the epidural really helped in knowing what muscles to use. The epidural really dulled any sense of pain and all I could feel throughout was some pressure.
Oh, I have to mention here too that the MW gave me a catheter upon admission to the hospital but took it out before I started pushing. Surprisingly the catheter was not painful at all and really just uncomfortable (I had a huge fear of the catheter prior to this experience).
From 11am onwards, I pushed with each contraction I felt. Apparently I was making some small progress and the resident reported back to the OB on-call every 30 minutes or so on how I was doing. I don't know at what time but I'm guessing around 12:30pm or so, he came in and did another exam and decided that he could do a vacuum-assisted delivery. So more medical staff were laid on (staff from pediatrics had to be called) and they prepped for a vaccuum delivery. I don't know what time the vaccuum was attached to the baby's head but after that, quite a tug of war ensued. I know I pushed through two or three contractions with the help of the vaccuum and after a while, the OB told me just to continue pushing.
He kept on pulling and at 1:08pm our little one was born!!!
She screamed right away, was wiped down and placed on my chest. It was absolutely amazing staring into her eyes and seeing how alert she was after such an arduous birth.
I delivered the placenta shortly afterwards (and even got to take a look at it!) and then the repair work began. According to the hospital notes, I had second degree lacerations but the OB also gave me a medio-lateral episiotomy to accommodate the delivery by vaccuum. The MW and resident stitched me up (took about a good 30+ minutes or so I think) and I got moved up to the maternity ward about 1.5 hours after giving birth.
~~ and baby awakes so I'll write more later
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
And it begins!!! (I hope)
My MW appointment yesterday was awesome as far as I'm concerned. She asked me if I wanted an internal to see if things were progressing and it was everything I could do to restrain myself from saying "hell ya!!" So she did an internal and lo and behold - 3cm dilated, 50% effaced! I was secretly hoping for some good news like this but wasn't too optimistic because honestly, all I've really been feeling up to that point were period-like cramps. So the MW offered to do a stretch and sweep to help speed things along if I wanted... and of course I wanted! I had a bit of bloody show after the S&S and surprisingly, it (the S&S) was uncomfortable but not unbearable by any means.
So between yesterday and today, I've noticed a definite increase in crampiness and backpain and I can honestly say I'm losing my mucuous plug. It's not one lumpy mucuousy thing but just ongoing increased CM... still blood-tinged but no soaking of pads or anything like that. I think I was having contractions while I was driving around today but they seemed to have subsided for now.
I still have my fingers crossed that this baby will be here sooner rather than later! John is hoping so too - he wants to go to Fan Expo 2008 next weekend if the baby is born. LOL!
The MW is coming to do a home visit tomorrow and she gave me the homebirthing kit yesterday just in case labour progresses quickly and the babe is born at home. I have all the stuff on the list - I just have to put it together in one place. Today I went to Walmart and picked up some munchies for when I'm in labour - Mr Freeze's and granola bars. Yummy. LOL
So between yesterday and today, I've noticed a definite increase in crampiness and backpain and I can honestly say I'm losing my mucuous plug. It's not one lumpy mucuousy thing but just ongoing increased CM... still blood-tinged but no soaking of pads or anything like that. I think I was having contractions while I was driving around today but they seemed to have subsided for now.
I still have my fingers crossed that this baby will be here sooner rather than later! John is hoping so too - he wants to go to Fan Expo 2008 next weekend if the baby is born. LOL!
The MW is coming to do a home visit tomorrow and she gave me the homebirthing kit yesterday just in case labour progresses quickly and the babe is born at home. I have all the stuff on the list - I just have to put it together in one place. Today I went to Walmart and picked up some munchies for when I'm in labour - Mr Freeze's and granola bars. Yummy. LOL
Thursday, August 7, 2008
A whole bunch of randomness...
So I'm officially on mat leave! Crazy! It feels weird not going to work but nice and refreshing at the same time to not have the stress of having to wake up at a specific time. Needless to say though, there's no such thing as sleeping in right now - I'm just not comfortable enough. But it's nice having the flexibility to take a nap if I want to!
So I'm down to 17 more days till my EDD. I'm secretly hoping that she'll be early but we'll see. I'm back to having some mother issues - she hasn't listened to what I asked before (like months ago) and is ignoring what we had discussed (that they'll come down to visit about a week after the little one is born) and are now planning on arriving on August 25! A day after my due date!! WTH!?!?!? Allegedly my parents have arranged to stay with my brother instead of at my place (thank gawd) but still. She is insistent that she wants to be at the hospital when this LO is born (once again not mentioning the delivery room but who knows if she'd try and muscle her way in there too). So saying that I'm frustrated is an understatement. I really feel like she has not listened to what I had asked before and had mislead me because she was paying me lipservice and said that she would do whatever I asked. So instead of just being honest and saying "no, this is what I would like" she just agreed to what I was asking and has gone and made her own plans. I don't know what to do anymore. John says that it might come down to me having to be just out and out rude and blunt and saying "no, this is what is going to happen." I would love to be able to do that but I can't be rude to my mother to save my life. I guess that's one of my shortcomings. I'm thinking of being equally passive agressive as she has been and just not calling her until after the baby is born and we're ready for visitors - even if she is already in town and at my brother's. Seriously. It's my birth experience that I want to share with my husband and child. Not hers. She's had two. So yeah, I'm a bit frustrated and stressed over this one but I guess we'll see how that goes.
On another wonderful family dynamic note, my younger brother has made contact with me after about two years. Quick background on him - he was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2003 after a psychotic episode had him hospitalized. Now this is what I have been told... I'm sure there is more to this story because my mother and him have enabled each other throughout the years and have twisted this story many times (I think he's had more than one psychotic episode prior to this one). For example, when my mom called me to tell me he was hospitalized, I was told that he had a panic attack. It wasn't until further digging that I found out it was an actual psychotic episode. Big difference IMO. And she would not have told me the truth unless I had "caught" her: she told me the medication he had been prescribed and it was definitely an antipsychotic prescribed for people with schizophrenia... not an antianxiety or antidepressant. So anyways, it took me a while but I did wrangle the truth from her. That was five years ago. Prior to his diagnosis, my brother did abuse substances and was active in the rave scene - so honestly, I don't know if his schizophrenia is due to pre-existing biological conditions or if it was triggered by his substance abuse. Either way, he now has it. So fast forward five years... He's going to be 27 this year and is still strongly dependent on our mother despite the fact that he lives 8 hours from the parents. They have a weird, enabling relationship that (from what I can see) really effects my parents' relationship with each other and really bothers me. My parents are retired and should be spending time together enjoying each other, travelling, whatever. Instead, my mom spends hours on the phone each day with my brother doing whatever - helping him with his school papers (he's in univ), talking about what he's doing, whatever. What really binds them is their religion (we were raised Catholic but I no longer practice). My mom is what you would call right-wing conservative in her beliefs and now my younger brother has really followed in her footsteps. So much so that it has had the effect of him becoming quite judgemental of other peoples' lifestyles if they don't mesh with his beliefs.
Anyways, enough rambling. Long story short, I am still quite upset as to the way things have turned out over the last decade or so. Both my older brother and I were expected to fend for ourselves when we left the home for univ. and never once did we receive even a bit of the financial suppport my younger brother has. Not that we ever wanted it or asked for it. We both paid our own way through univ. and have gone onto having (what we would like to view as) successful lives. Then there's the youngest - he was coddled through highschool and now univ. (seriously, my mom should be getting the BA, not him) with alot of his expenses paid for. My mom had opened a joint account and he would call her at all hours of the night and she would run and deposit money so he could party. He used drugs the first few years away from home and got himself into a world of poop. But my mom keeps on rescuing him.
over and over and over
Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.
Yup, that describes my mom to a tee.
So ANYWAYS , my brother has now contacted me and wants to communicate. I'm very leary about sending emails back and forth because my mom has told me previously that he shares his email account with her and she's privy to his emails. So I feel like I cannot be completely honest and open with him in the emails as she is going to read it. So I've been pretty vague in my responses to-date. He also wants to come and visit and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that by any stretch of the imagination.
All that and I'm 37 weeks pregnant. LMAO
The sad part is, I would love for my daughter to know both her uncles. I don't want to start her life out in the middle of this weird family that has "the crazy uncle" and everything else to boot. Seriously. But what else am I supposed to do? I will not risk exposing her to someone who is not completely healthy yet (which he isn't at all) and who has some very skewed views of the world that don't correspond to our beliefs.
Ugh.
So I'm down to 17 more days till my EDD. I'm secretly hoping that she'll be early but we'll see. I'm back to having some mother issues - she hasn't listened to what I asked before (like months ago) and is ignoring what we had discussed (that they'll come down to visit about a week after the little one is born) and are now planning on arriving on August 25! A day after my due date!! WTH!?!?!? Allegedly my parents have arranged to stay with my brother instead of at my place (thank gawd) but still. She is insistent that she wants to be at the hospital when this LO is born (once again not mentioning the delivery room but who knows if she'd try and muscle her way in there too). So saying that I'm frustrated is an understatement. I really feel like she has not listened to what I had asked before and had mislead me because she was paying me lipservice and said that she would do whatever I asked. So instead of just being honest and saying "no, this is what I would like" she just agreed to what I was asking and has gone and made her own plans. I don't know what to do anymore. John says that it might come down to me having to be just out and out rude and blunt and saying "no, this is what is going to happen." I would love to be able to do that but I can't be rude to my mother to save my life. I guess that's one of my shortcomings. I'm thinking of being equally passive agressive as she has been and just not calling her until after the baby is born and we're ready for visitors - even if she is already in town and at my brother's. Seriously. It's my birth experience that I want to share with my husband and child. Not hers. She's had two. So yeah, I'm a bit frustrated and stressed over this one but I guess we'll see how that goes.
On another wonderful family dynamic note, my younger brother has made contact with me after about two years. Quick background on him - he was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2003 after a psychotic episode had him hospitalized. Now this is what I have been told... I'm sure there is more to this story because my mother and him have enabled each other throughout the years and have twisted this story many times (I think he's had more than one psychotic episode prior to this one). For example, when my mom called me to tell me he was hospitalized, I was told that he had a panic attack. It wasn't until further digging that I found out it was an actual psychotic episode. Big difference IMO. And she would not have told me the truth unless I had "caught" her: she told me the medication he had been prescribed and it was definitely an antipsychotic prescribed for people with schizophrenia... not an antianxiety or antidepressant. So anyways, it took me a while but I did wrangle the truth from her. That was five years ago. Prior to his diagnosis, my brother did abuse substances and was active in the rave scene - so honestly, I don't know if his schizophrenia is due to pre-existing biological conditions or if it was triggered by his substance abuse. Either way, he now has it. So fast forward five years... He's going to be 27 this year and is still strongly dependent on our mother despite the fact that he lives 8 hours from the parents. They have a weird, enabling relationship that (from what I can see) really effects my parents' relationship with each other and really bothers me. My parents are retired and should be spending time together enjoying each other, travelling, whatever. Instead, my mom spends hours on the phone each day with my brother doing whatever - helping him with his school papers (he's in univ), talking about what he's doing, whatever. What really binds them is their religion (we were raised Catholic but I no longer practice). My mom is what you would call right-wing conservative in her beliefs and now my younger brother has really followed in her footsteps. So much so that it has had the effect of him becoming quite judgemental of other peoples' lifestyles if they don't mesh with his beliefs.
Anyways, enough rambling. Long story short, I am still quite upset as to the way things have turned out over the last decade or so. Both my older brother and I were expected to fend for ourselves when we left the home for univ. and never once did we receive even a bit of the financial suppport my younger brother has. Not that we ever wanted it or asked for it. We both paid our own way through univ. and have gone onto having (what we would like to view as) successful lives. Then there's the youngest - he was coddled through highschool and now univ. (seriously, my mom should be getting the BA, not him) with alot of his expenses paid for. My mom had opened a joint account and he would call her at all hours of the night and she would run and deposit money so he could party. He used drugs the first few years away from home and got himself into a world of poop. But my mom keeps on rescuing him.
over and over and over
Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.
Yup, that describes my mom to a tee.
So ANYWAYS , my brother has now contacted me and wants to communicate. I'm very leary about sending emails back and forth because my mom has told me previously that he shares his email account with her and she's privy to his emails. So I feel like I cannot be completely honest and open with him in the emails as she is going to read it. So I've been pretty vague in my responses to-date. He also wants to come and visit and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that by any stretch of the imagination.
All that and I'm 37 weeks pregnant. LMAO
The sad part is, I would love for my daughter to know both her uncles. I don't want to start her life out in the middle of this weird family that has "the crazy uncle" and everything else to boot. Seriously. But what else am I supposed to do? I will not risk exposing her to someone who is not completely healthy yet (which he isn't at all) and who has some very skewed views of the world that don't correspond to our beliefs.
Ugh.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Only 8 more working days left...
And once again, I suck at keeping this updated. I swear I'll be better once I'm done work and on mat leave... at least till the little one comes. I can't promise too much more after that.
I can't believe I'm past the 35 week mark now. Only 33 more days and I hit my due date. That's insane! It seems almost like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. Almost.
So my latest rant is going to be about my replacement that they hired on contract to fill my mat leave position. My replacement is a completely two-faced bitch and she's just putting out such bad vibes. I thought she'd be okay because she's been working in the field for about 7 years but she's just a complete blade. She ran to management today about something I did that she didn't agree with (she's been at the agency for less than 2 months!!!!!!!) hoping to get me in trouble (which she didn't). Seriously... So the other girl that I work with and I are trying to figure out her motives - if it's to get permanent, I'm sure mgmt won't enjoy having a shit disturber on their hands. It's just too frustrating. I can't wait to be off. The worst thing is, now I'm thinking of ways to come back to work early just to screw her contract. LOL I have to stop thinking like that. But seriously.
I was talking with one of my friends and she was saying that unfortunately, for her it seemed like everytime she went off on mat leave, the same workplace drama happened. I really can't handle this... it's too much. Why are women so evil to each other???
On exciting news, I have my baby shower this Thursday after work. I cannot wait. My friend has put so much work into planning this shower. Now I'm trying to find a nice thank you gift for her.
I can't believe I'm past the 35 week mark now. Only 33 more days and I hit my due date. That's insane! It seems almost like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. Almost.
So my latest rant is going to be about my replacement that they hired on contract to fill my mat leave position. My replacement is a completely two-faced bitch and she's just putting out such bad vibes. I thought she'd be okay because she's been working in the field for about 7 years but she's just a complete blade. She ran to management today about something I did that she didn't agree with (she's been at the agency for less than 2 months!!!!!!!) hoping to get me in trouble (which she didn't). Seriously... So the other girl that I work with and I are trying to figure out her motives - if it's to get permanent, I'm sure mgmt won't enjoy having a shit disturber on their hands. It's just too frustrating. I can't wait to be off. The worst thing is, now I'm thinking of ways to come back to work early just to screw her contract. LOL I have to stop thinking like that. But seriously.
I was talking with one of my friends and she was saying that unfortunately, for her it seemed like everytime she went off on mat leave, the same workplace drama happened. I really can't handle this... it's too much. Why are women so evil to each other???
On exciting news, I have my baby shower this Thursday after work. I cannot wait. My friend has put so much work into planning this shower. Now I'm trying to find a nice thank you gift for her.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
32 weeks... 56 more days.... OMFG
I can't believe that I'm in the last stretch of this pregnancy. Seriously, where does the time go?? I'm feeling much better this week than last week and I think the hemmerhoids shrinking have a lot to do with that. :P I can walk normal again (yay) and my hips don't feel as tired... probably because I can walk normal. LOL... that doesn't go without saying that I am walking with a strong waddle nowadays... My nice coworkers always remind me that I really look pregnant now because of my walk. Gee, thanks.
So we caught the younger cat sleeping in the crib this weekend. Grrr... so the crib is now lined with tin foil. So far there is no evidence of her jumping back in there since but who knows. She's sneaky. :) I'm still pretty confident that both cats will stay away from the baby once she's here - they cannot tolerate loud, sudden movements and noise and are scared of my 6 y.o. niece so I'm sure a newborn will scare the bejeezus out of them.
John bought me a glider/ottoman this past week. Yayness!! I think the nursery is now complete minus the small odds and sods.
So my MW appointment on Thursday went well. My placenta has moved (insert happy dance here) so everything is go for a "normal" delivery... The babe was head down at the appointment and HB was strong at 133 bpm. From my 30 wk u/s, everything is measuring normal and on schedule. Yay! The MW drew some blood to do a final CBC and iron count just to make sure I'm doing okay and I got my letter to confirm my EDD to take to my HR department which I handed in that day.
So it seems like everything is progressing... I haven't packed our hospital bags yet even though I've thought about it. I guess I should but I'm still too lazy. Is that bad?
So we caught the younger cat sleeping in the crib this weekend. Grrr... so the crib is now lined with tin foil. So far there is no evidence of her jumping back in there since but who knows. She's sneaky. :) I'm still pretty confident that both cats will stay away from the baby once she's here - they cannot tolerate loud, sudden movements and noise and are scared of my 6 y.o. niece so I'm sure a newborn will scare the bejeezus out of them.
John bought me a glider/ottoman this past week. Yayness!! I think the nursery is now complete minus the small odds and sods.
So my MW appointment on Thursday went well. My placenta has moved (insert happy dance here) so everything is go for a "normal" delivery... The babe was head down at the appointment and HB was strong at 133 bpm. From my 30 wk u/s, everything is measuring normal and on schedule. Yay! The MW drew some blood to do a final CBC and iron count just to make sure I'm doing okay and I got my letter to confirm my EDD to take to my HR department which I handed in that day.
So it seems like everything is progressing... I haven't packed our hospital bags yet even though I've thought about it. I guess I should but I'm still too lazy. Is that bad?
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Stupid laptop is broken....
So we went to the 30 week ultrasound on Monday (16th). Found out that the hospital has a new policy which was implemented in the last 10 weeks since our 20 wk ultrasound. No one is allowed to go into the u/s room except the mom while the tech is doing the measurements and shite. Dad's / support people are invited in for only the last five minutes of the u/s. Seriously, this blows. I'm sure I can figure out why this policy was implemented. I can just imagine that there are some people out there who are completely inconsiderate and brought in a whole slew of family and friends to their ultrasounds... or dragged three or four screaming children in with them and I'm sure this bothered the technicians to the point where they couldn't accurately do their jobs. But seriously. I wish they could do this on a case-by-case basis. John loved seeing the measurements being taken at the 20 wk u/s and he was quite disappointed that he could only see five minutes of the u/s this time. GRRrrr... very annoying. And to top it off, the tech we had was a bit of a grumpy b!tch so that didn't make anything any better. At least we got a cool shot of the baby's face. :)So there's something wrong with my laptop and the connection port for the power is shot so I can't use it right now - the battery is down to 6% - probably even less by now. We're supposed to get it fixed, hopefully soon....
And we got our travel system yesterday!! It's the Evenflo Aura Elite - we got it at Sears and while it was more than I had wanted to spend, it rocks! Even John loves it which is a bonus! :) The baby seat fits into the stroller quite easily and the stroller folds and opens easily (it's a bit stiff now but it's new). I can't wait to try this out with the babe! I'm a bit disappointed because my older brother had given us a Peg Perego travel system that my niece used but it was manufactured in 2001 so the carseat was a no-go right from the start even though it's in great condition. The stroller we may still use as it looks very comfy for baby... But it's nice to have our own, brand-new travel system too!
* * * TMI Alert * * *
And somehow this week I have managed to develop hemmorhoids. Evil evil things they are. It seems to me like they materialized almost overnight and now they're not working hard enough at going away. I think Tuesday and Wednesday were my worst days and they're slowly letting up now but I'm still no where near comfortable that's for sure. I hope to gawd they go away but I have a sneaky suspicion that I'm blessed with them for the remainder of this pregnancy. Sadness. I have a whole arsenal of OTC treatments on hand now too... extra strength anusol, the preparation h cooling gel, epsom salts, tucks pads... the list goes on. LOL
* * * TMI Alert * * *
And the countdown to mat leave has started... August 1 is my last day!! I'm going to have to get a ticker or something to countdown the days for me as I suck at remembering stuff like this. :)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
30 weeks... 30 weeks!!!!!!!
OMG... I cannot believe I'm at 30 weeks now. That's 75% done. Wow!!! Time does fly when you're having fun. :) LOL, ok that's a bit extreme. But seriously. I can't believe I'm already at 30 weeks. Today was a good weight day... I'm still the same weight I was on Wednesday when I went to the MW... so hopefully the whole weight gain thing is slowing down. That would be a relief.
I forgot to mention in my last post that my GD test results came back a big fat negative so I'm quite pleased with that. And so's the MW I think. Tomorrow I'm going for another u/s to see if my placenta has moved - hopefully it has and we can keep on planning for a normal birth. I really don't want to consider a c-section at all but I guess we'll see.
Other than that, feeling pretty good today except for the round ligament pain that is excruciating if I move too quickly. I had another massage this past Friday which was a godsend and I'm going to be booking in much more regularly for more...
I forgot to mention in my last post that my GD test results came back a big fat negative so I'm quite pleased with that. And so's the MW I think. Tomorrow I'm going for another u/s to see if my placenta has moved - hopefully it has and we can keep on planning for a normal birth. I really don't want to consider a c-section at all but I guess we'll see.
Other than that, feeling pretty good today except for the round ligament pain that is excruciating if I move too quickly. I had another massage this past Friday which was a godsend and I'm going to be booking in much more regularly for more...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Stuff and Such...
So my June 9 MW appointment was cancelled yet again (thank goodness they called me at 8:30am at work this time) and was rebooked for today. And it didn't get cancelled this time around. Yay!!! :) John came to this appointment with me - it was his first prenatal appointment. He says he enjoyed it and has confidence in the MW so that's good. My next one is in two weeks on the 26th and he'll get to meet the secondary MW then.
So today's big topic of conversation was home birth and I have to admit that I'm really starting to lean towards having a home birth. I'm not a big fan of the epidural and the more I read about it and learn, the less inclined I am to ask for one unless I absolutely need it. The MW talked about this too and how she would recommend an epidural if I needed it for 'therapeutic rest' but if that's the case, there are other thing going wrong too (e.g., I'm not dilating on schedule). So she sent us home with some books to read and we're going to go to a home birthing info session next month. I can't believe I'm even saying that I'm thinking of a home birth but it's so true... Just weighing the pros and cons... I would honestly just love to be able to go to sleep in my own bed and wake up in my own bed with the little one already home. It would be so peaceful.
The appointment went well though - the baby is still breech and she's facing to my right which explains all the kicks to my right side. I'm not worried yet but I do hope she flips soon.
I guess having a home birth depends on a lot of factors including the results of my ultrasound on Monday (to see if my placenta has moved). So far everythings been good - the MW got my gestational diabetes testing bloodwork back and I'm completely normal. Whoo hoo! So all this weight gain is just pregnancy stuff and now water retention. :P Oh yes, my kankles are quite swollen. LOL
I think I've decided on my final work day - August 1st. I have 5 days left of vacation time so if I take four of those after the August long weekend, I'll have a fully paid week off before I start my mat leave. I think August 1st is a good day to finish up at work. So I have to let my manager know soon I guess - probably tomorrow. I hope I can make it through July anyways - just the way I've been feeling lately with sore hips, definite round ligament pain and just doing the whole preggo waddle - I honestly don't know if I can survive another six weeks at work. Boo... six whole weeks. :( I would love to go off earlier if $$ wasn't a factor.
John and I went out for dinner tonight to celebrate my birthday. Unfortunately yesterday was consumed by him having to work and me running around getting my car emissions tested and getting new stickers (yes, I am the greatest procrastinator that lives). So we decided to go out tonight. We went to Philthy's and it was yummy. But I can tell that the little one is starting to squish my tummy as my appetite seems to be decreasing.
So today's big topic of conversation was home birth and I have to admit that I'm really starting to lean towards having a home birth. I'm not a big fan of the epidural and the more I read about it and learn, the less inclined I am to ask for one unless I absolutely need it. The MW talked about this too and how she would recommend an epidural if I needed it for 'therapeutic rest' but if that's the case, there are other thing going wrong too (e.g., I'm not dilating on schedule). So she sent us home with some books to read and we're going to go to a home birthing info session next month. I can't believe I'm even saying that I'm thinking of a home birth but it's so true... Just weighing the pros and cons... I would honestly just love to be able to go to sleep in my own bed and wake up in my own bed with the little one already home. It would be so peaceful.
The appointment went well though - the baby is still breech and she's facing to my right which explains all the kicks to my right side. I'm not worried yet but I do hope she flips soon.
I guess having a home birth depends on a lot of factors including the results of my ultrasound on Monday (to see if my placenta has moved). So far everythings been good - the MW got my gestational diabetes testing bloodwork back and I'm completely normal. Whoo hoo! So all this weight gain is just pregnancy stuff and now water retention. :P Oh yes, my kankles are quite swollen. LOL
I think I've decided on my final work day - August 1st. I have 5 days left of vacation time so if I take four of those after the August long weekend, I'll have a fully paid week off before I start my mat leave. I think August 1st is a good day to finish up at work. So I have to let my manager know soon I guess - probably tomorrow. I hope I can make it through July anyways - just the way I've been feeling lately with sore hips, definite round ligament pain and just doing the whole preggo waddle - I honestly don't know if I can survive another six weeks at work. Boo... six whole weeks. :( I would love to go off earlier if $$ wasn't a factor.
John and I went out for dinner tonight to celebrate my birthday. Unfortunately yesterday was consumed by him having to work and me running around getting my car emissions tested and getting new stickers (yes, I am the greatest procrastinator that lives). So we decided to go out tonight. We went to Philthy's and it was yummy. But I can tell that the little one is starting to squish my tummy as my appetite seems to be decreasing.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
29 weeks... 11 more to go!
I swear it's been hot this weekend - actually since Thursday or Friday. So for a few days this week. Not that I'm complaining too much since I hate the cold. But seriously, the humidity can tone it down a bit IMO and the heat could drop a couple of degrees and I wouldn't complain that much. :P Since the humid weather, I've noticed a bit of swelling in my hands and my feet by the end of the day - nothing major yet though. I'm still wearing my rings but I think it's getting to that point where I need to take my engagement ring off. I really don't want to but I don't want it to get stuck either. :) I'm going to have to find a necklace so I can wear the rings still. I think I'm going to feel naked without them on.
So I went up to the Regiment yesterday to get my casing. Nice and engraved - one more change jar. LOL. It was nice seeing the people who were there - I sure don't miss the bullsh!t though.
And our patio table broke yesterday so John and I bought a new one today. It's bigger and feels more sturdier so hopefully this one lasts more than a year. Gah. Stupid unseen expenses.
I'm excited though because it looks like I'm going to have a Baby Buddha Sling soon!! One of the nice ladies on BB is selling me hers. I'm so excited!! I've been looking for a sling type carrier for a while and just could not settle on one that I would like.
I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'm finding Mondays harder and harder. I just want to sit at home and veg. Luckily I have a MW appointment tomorrow so I get to leave work early. The crappy thing is that John has his own doctor's appt so he won't be able to come to this one afterall. :( Maybe the next one. Oh well.
So I went up to the Regiment yesterday to get my casing. Nice and engraved - one more change jar. LOL. It was nice seeing the people who were there - I sure don't miss the bullsh!t though.
And our patio table broke yesterday so John and I bought a new one today. It's bigger and feels more sturdier so hopefully this one lasts more than a year. Gah. Stupid unseen expenses.
I'm excited though because it looks like I'm going to have a Baby Buddha Sling soon!! One of the nice ladies on BB is selling me hers. I'm so excited!! I've been looking for a sling type carrier for a while and just could not settle on one that I would like.
I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'm finding Mondays harder and harder. I just want to sit at home and veg. Luckily I have a MW appointment tomorrow so I get to leave work early. The crappy thing is that John has his own doctor's appt so he won't be able to come to this one afterall. :( Maybe the next one. Oh well.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
A Sigh of Relief...
And I totally forgot to post about this. For anyone who has been following this blog, you might recall that I was having mini meltdowns about my mother's offer to 'help' once the baby arrives (and even before!). Well, I had a chance to talk to her on Tuesday evening and she brought up the topic yet again and I was able to direct the conversation in a kind, nice, happy way to where I wanted it to go!! So I was able to get my thoughts across on how it would be so much more beneficial for John and I to have her down a few weeks after the baby was born (not before I went into labour and while in the hospital as she had originally wanted to). She was open to my request and I think things are going to work out. So YIPPEE! I was so not looking forward to trying to have this conversation and lay down the whole "we don't want you here at the birth" thing even though it's the truth. :( John and I want this to be our time to start our family and while I know it's important for everyone else too - it is our thing. So now it seems like feelings won't be hurt and people won't be upset and we'll get to do it the way we want to. So tell me how much of a relief THAT is to me!
Oh my... stupid people really irk me
Soooo... I was supposed to have a midwife appointment yesterday. Yup, keyword is supposed.
This was going to be the first appointment John came to as well so he could start getting to know the MWs and getting comfortable with them as well. So we planned to meet at home at 3pm and then drive into town for 4pm. I left work at 2:30pm (2 hrs before my normal end of day so I am losing a bit of pay here) and get home at 3pm. We're just about to head out and I decide on a whim to check if there are any messages. There sure is!! >.< There's a message from my midwife group (specifically from the student who is currently doing a placement there) cancelling my appointment. This would normally not bother me because it has happened before.
But they had the courtesy to call me at work in the morning so I wouldn't miss any work!!!
So of course I'm livid because I've now taken time off work, I'm losing pay and I'm sitting at home with no appointment to go to. So I call back and talk to the receptionist who transfers me to the student who's doing the rescheduling. Keep in mind she's a MW student so she is in university and I'm guessing isn't that dumb. Or so I assume. So I'm a bit peeved but try to be nice and explain to her that I just got the message since I was at work and am now home early from work. She doesn't get it and asks, oh great, can you come in tomorrow morning instead?? So I explain to her as patiently as I can that no, I too have clients that I schedule and it takes me at least a few days to juggle my schedule around so that I can attend my own appointments. She doesn't seem to get this. So I asked if she had my work telephone number on file as it seems odd that the MW group could call me at work before to reschedule and that she didn't this time. First she says no... we just have your home phone number and this other number that doesn't seem right. I ask her really? So I ask her to recite the number and sure enough, it's my work number. (So now I'm getting angry). I asked her why she didn't call and she said that the number didn't seem right as it's a different area code. I live in freakin Southern Ontario... of course it's a different area code as where I work and where I live are in different area codes. It happens. So being the dear dimwit, she asks if I can come in over a lunchtime if the morning appointment doesn't work for me. So I once again remind her that I work in one city and live in another and the commute is about 30-45 minutes most days so it would be mathematically impossible for me to take my 60min lunch hour and drive the 30-45min, have a 30 min appointment and drive back to work in time. She didn't seem to get it. At the end of this painful conversation, I ended up rescheduling for next Wednesday (the 11th) but I've since gotten it changed to Monday (9th). In retrospect, all I was looking for was even a small, sincere apology or even acknowledgement of her oversight in not calling me at work. But I didn't get it. So I think that's what put me over the edge. So yes, hormonal, preggo Mary kicked in for a bit and I had a bit of a crying jag - more out of anger than anything else. It's all a matter of principle for me I guess. I'm still angry today because really, it's just poor customer service... so I think I'll let my MW know on Monday that I'm disappointed on how this was handled. It's obviously not her fault but she should know what her administrative support staff are doing (or rather not doing). Gah.
On a good note, we did have our hospital tour yesterday evening... It took longer than I had thought it would. We were there for almost two hours. Got a nice tour of Labour & Delivery and of the Maternity Ward. Got a Reader's Digest version of prenatal classes (why did we bother spending money on those, I'll never remember) and I got a warm fuzzy about the L&D nurses. If most of them are as nice as the RN who gave us the tour, I'll be happy. So apparently the average length of stay in hospital for a normal birth is 48 hours and for c-section is twice that long. What a change eh from even 30 years ago? My mother was saying that she was in the hospital with me for 10 days and I know with my younger brother she was in for about 5. Weird.
After the tour, John and I went out for dinner to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary (it was on the 3rd but he had to work that evening). I had yummy escargots (mmmm I could go for some more right now) and a roastbeef & mushrooms stuffed yorkshire pudding thingy. It was pretty good too.
This was going to be the first appointment John came to as well so he could start getting to know the MWs and getting comfortable with them as well. So we planned to meet at home at 3pm and then drive into town for 4pm. I left work at 2:30pm (2 hrs before my normal end of day so I am losing a bit of pay here) and get home at 3pm. We're just about to head out and I decide on a whim to check if there are any messages. There sure is!! >.< There's a message from my midwife group (specifically from the student who is currently doing a placement there) cancelling my appointment. This would normally not bother me because it has happened before.
But they had the courtesy to call me at work in the morning so I wouldn't miss any work!!!
So of course I'm livid because I've now taken time off work, I'm losing pay and I'm sitting at home with no appointment to go to. So I call back and talk to the receptionist who transfers me to the student who's doing the rescheduling. Keep in mind she's a MW student so she is in university and I'm guessing isn't that dumb. Or so I assume. So I'm a bit peeved but try to be nice and explain to her that I just got the message since I was at work and am now home early from work. She doesn't get it and asks, oh great, can you come in tomorrow morning instead?? So I explain to her as patiently as I can that no, I too have clients that I schedule and it takes me at least a few days to juggle my schedule around so that I can attend my own appointments. She doesn't seem to get this. So I asked if she had my work telephone number on file as it seems odd that the MW group could call me at work before to reschedule and that she didn't this time. First she says no... we just have your home phone number and this other number that doesn't seem right. I ask her really? So I ask her to recite the number and sure enough, it's my work number. (So now I'm getting angry). I asked her why she didn't call and she said that the number didn't seem right as it's a different area code. I live in freakin Southern Ontario... of course it's a different area code as where I work and where I live are in different area codes. It happens. So being the dear dimwit, she asks if I can come in over a lunchtime if the morning appointment doesn't work for me. So I once again remind her that I work in one city and live in another and the commute is about 30-45 minutes most days so it would be mathematically impossible for me to take my 60min lunch hour and drive the 30-45min, have a 30 min appointment and drive back to work in time. She didn't seem to get it. At the end of this painful conversation, I ended up rescheduling for next Wednesday (the 11th) but I've since gotten it changed to Monday (9th). In retrospect, all I was looking for was even a small, sincere apology or even acknowledgement of her oversight in not calling me at work. But I didn't get it. So I think that's what put me over the edge. So yes, hormonal, preggo Mary kicked in for a bit and I had a bit of a crying jag - more out of anger than anything else. It's all a matter of principle for me I guess. I'm still angry today because really, it's just poor customer service... so I think I'll let my MW know on Monday that I'm disappointed on how this was handled. It's obviously not her fault but she should know what her administrative support staff are doing (or rather not doing). Gah.
On a good note, we did have our hospital tour yesterday evening... It took longer than I had thought it would. We were there for almost two hours. Got a nice tour of Labour & Delivery and of the Maternity Ward. Got a Reader's Digest version of prenatal classes (why did we bother spending money on those, I'll never remember) and I got a warm fuzzy about the L&D nurses. If most of them are as nice as the RN who gave us the tour, I'll be happy. So apparently the average length of stay in hospital for a normal birth is 48 hours and for c-section is twice that long. What a change eh from even 30 years ago? My mother was saying that she was in the hospital with me for 10 days and I know with my younger brother she was in for about 5. Weird.
After the tour, John and I went out for dinner to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary (it was on the 3rd but he had to work that evening). I had yummy escargots (mmmm I could go for some more right now) and a roastbeef & mushrooms stuffed yorkshire pudding thingy. It was pretty good too.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
28 weeks... 12 more to go (or 84 days but who's counting?)
I think this is the beginning of me saying I want this to be over soon. My back hurts, my pelvis hurts, my hips hurt, I feel like a house and then some and I can't sleep more than 6 hours at night and even that's interrupted by one or two pee breaks. Seriously. And I get breathless walking up stairs and I swear I have the preggo waddle now. :( Oh and no matter what size bra I wear, it's very uncomfortable by the end of the day. And I would love to not have to wear the ginormous 40D bra... it would be nice to be back in my 36B thank you very much.
John also put together the change table on Saturday after having gone to Ikea on Friday to pick up some things. He's such a dear... he got a mobile for the babe as well as some bedding, a quilt and the Spoka night light I've been dying to get:
Too cute!!! So the nursery is almost done I think. Oh, John also picked up a rug for the babe's room - it's blue with two dragons on it. I love it - it fits nicely!! 
So yeah... I'm feeling preggo. :P
And I had a meltdown on Saturday because of my weight yet again. My maternity clothes are starting to get tight and some don't even fit now (Old Navy jeans) and I'm getting sad. I've gained 8lb so far since my last MW visit so I'll probably be up to 9lb by Wednesday when I see her again. I am just floored at the rate I'm gaining weight. I'm up to 188lb as of yesterday which is ridonkulous... that's 38lb since this pregnancy has started. WTF... where's the "standard 25-35lb" weight gain that I'm supposed to get???? I surpassed that a few weeks ago that's for sure. So yeah... had a minor meltdown on Saturday. I just feel huge. And I'm uber worried that I won't be able to lose the weight afterwards. I think that's the even bigger fear. I don't care if I gain weight now - I know it's for a good cause - but I sure don't want to be stuck at this weight or even in the 160-170lb range afterwards. And I can't imagine the struggle it'll be to lose the preggo weight. Ugh. See.... hence the meltdown.
So I think I'm in need of some retail therapy to make myself feel better and to get some clothes that fit a bit more comfy. John's working on Tuesday evening so I'm probably going to head to the mall then. Of course Tuesday is also our second anniversary so I definitely have to pick something up for him. :) We've decided to actually celebrate on Wednesday as he's working Tues. night and it'll just fit our schedules better. I have my MW appointment Wednesday and John's going to come to this one (his first one!!) to start getting to know the MW. We then have the hospital tour afterwards and then we'll go out for dinner somewhere... Our last anniversary without the little one. Crazy.
We went out today looking for a rocker/glider for the nursery. Yeah, no luck. First we went to Zellers which had only one that looked pretty cheap but was $299. And then we went to Babies R Us which had nothing under $350. So no luck today. I did get a diaper bag though. It's like the picture only in red. It's made by Columbia and looks pretty functional so I'm satisfied. :) And it was on sale for $40 which makes it even better!!! We also stopped at Starbucks for some nice expensive coffees and at the comic book store to feed our nerd urge. :)
John also put together the change table on Saturday after having gone to Ikea on Friday to pick up some things. He's such a dear... he got a mobile for the babe as well as some bedding, a quilt and the Spoka night light I've been dying to get:Too cute!!! So the nursery is almost done I think. Oh, John also picked up a rug for the babe's room - it's blue with two dragons on it. I love it - it fits nicely!! So yes... I guess I do have an awesome husband. :)
Other than that... the babe's been kind of quiet this weekend. Has her kicking bouts and then just hangs out for a while. Almost all her kicks have been to the inside of me though and not the outside... So I haven't seen any kicks lately. But I have sure felt them!! I think she found my cervix earlier this weekend (not fun) and now she's kicking somewhere around my bladder or something. Crazy. But it's nice to know she's happy and active in there.
I'm not feeling like going to work tomorrow... I would love to just take some time off and relax around the house. I think I'm going to start thinking of when I'm finishing up before my mat leave... I wanted to work as close to the date as possible but now I'm thinking of going off 2-3 weeks beforehand. Maybe early August.... I'm taking June 23rd off - it's a Monday. I have the maternity pre-registration at the hospital that day and I just don't feel like going to work for 1/2 a day. So I figured I'd just book the whole day off.
It's now past 10:30pm so I think I'm going to have to stop sitting online here and finish up some chores (dishes... grrr) before bed.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
GD Testing Tomorrow
And as a result, I'm sitting here craving a snack. It's 10pm and I haven't eating anything since dinner... so around 7pm. So sad... I could so use a snack. LOL.
I'm a bit nervous about this GD testing. I really don't know why. I've been trying to maintain good nutrition but I will be the first to admit it that my sweet tooth has really kicked in the past two months or so. But I don't even know if craving sweets is an indication of GD or if I'm just craving sweets. And it's not any type of sweets - primarily chocolate and ice cream. :)
Work has been good and I'm impressed with my new coworker. I really like her so far and she really wants to be working where we're at so I'm happy. Yay!!
I went to Babies R Us yesterday just to browse and there was so much nice stuff there. Man I wish I had oodles of $$$ to spend at BRU. LOL. I'm actually impressed that I didn't go a bit crazy and actually buy some stuff. What self control!
I'm a bit nervous about this GD testing. I really don't know why. I've been trying to maintain good nutrition but I will be the first to admit it that my sweet tooth has really kicked in the past two months or so. But I don't even know if craving sweets is an indication of GD or if I'm just craving sweets. And it's not any type of sweets - primarily chocolate and ice cream. :)
Work has been good and I'm impressed with my new coworker. I really like her so far and she really wants to be working where we're at so I'm happy. Yay!!
I went to Babies R Us yesterday just to browse and there was so much nice stuff there. Man I wish I had oodles of $$$ to spend at BRU. LOL. I'm actually impressed that I didn't go a bit crazy and actually buy some stuff. What self control!
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