My First Pregnancy Ever - aka Das Baby Bloggen

2008-10-19T15:08:00.003-04:00

As I go to bed each night, I always think of what I could write on this blog, and at 11pm or at 3am in the morning, they seem pretty inspirational. Now as I sit here, I'm drawing a blank as I'm more focused on what I'm trying to get done today on the computer.

I'm printing off the application package to the Ontario College of Social Workers/Social Service Workers as I'm typing. I'm retarded: I know I've only been off work for just over two months, but I'm already thinking of (a) going back to work and (b) how I would much rather find a new job. So even though I've worked in the field since 2004, I am not an RSSW or RSW... so I'm thinking of applying to register. I do not have an SSW diploma or SW degree but I think I would qualify for the RSSW qualification based on my academic credentials and experience. So that's the firs thing I'm tackling. I've also started bookmarking possible future employers on the computer - of course they all have job openings right now... who knows if they will later on when I'm ready to head back to work?

I really don't know why I'm so obsessed with work and finding new/better employment. Where I work isn't that bad. I think my biggest complaint is that it seems like management is becoming more controlling and is not letting the frontline workers do their jobs. And they micro-manage everything which makes me feel like they don't trust my judgement... Ah well.

So I think my next big task is to update my resume. Sigh.

2 Month Vaccinations are done!!!

2008-10-18T22:14:00.004-04:00

And I'm back after a bit of a hiatus... I wish I could post more often but having a little one doesn't leave for much free time right now.

Things are going really well. The babe is now just over 9 weeks old (OMFG!!) and had her first round of vaccinations this past Wednesday. The poor dear was such a trooper and while she did complain quite a bit, it didn't last for more than 10 minutes or so. I thought she was getting only one needle but no, it was two. :( One in each thigh. And they went deep (in mom's opinion anyways). On the upside, she slept most of the day away... I gave her some tylenol in the PM just to help her settle because she was still sensitive at the injection sites. But she hasn't had a fever from the vaccinations, which is great. She had no problems yesterday but today she has developed a runny/stuffy nose. Honestly there's nothing sadder than seeing a little baby struggle with mucus in her nose and not being able to blow it. :(

On a personal note, I have started bagpipe lessons. Yep, you're reading that right. Bagpipe lessons!!!! I've always wanted to join a pipe and drum band. I love the sound of the pipes... it's the greatest thing IMO. I might be a bit biased because I took Highland dancing as a child and then spent 14 odd years in the army (love marching to the pipes!). But I've always wanted to learn to play the pipes. So now I'm doing it!! I don't have a set of bagpipes yet but I'm learning all the songs on my practice chanter. The best part about all of this, is that it's free. I've joined the local P&D band and they provide free tuition and then will loan me a set of pipes as long as I remain a member. Hell yeah!!! I can't wait to actually get an actual set of bagpipes and then my P&D band uniform!

I'm such a geek. LOL! :)

Today there was a local mom-to-mom sale in town and I finally got a Bumbo Seat for the little one! It's gently used and I picked up the tray to go along with it. Altogether, $48 well spent IMO. And I got the lavendar one! :) (I was hoping to get a pink or lavendar one... never saw them at Babies R Us... they always had green). I've already put the babe in it and she seemed to like it. Although she didn't spend too much time in it today.

The little one is growing like a weed too - there has been so many changes in the past nine weeks. Her voice is changing and she has gone through her "cranky stage." She's now learning to put herself to sleep - for the past few nights, after she wakes up for a feed, I just put her back in her crib and let her settle herself. Nine times out of ten, she manages to do so. (yayness!) And yesterday night, for the first time, she only woke once!! She had her last feed at midnight, one around 3 am and then didn't wake up till 8:30am!! Tell me how happy mommy was! Hopefully this is a sign that she's physically maturing and will start sleeping through the night soon.

2008-09-25T13:01:00.002-04:00

This is the first time in a while that I can actually log onto the computer and have some time to write. Baby is finally sleeping peacefully beside me... Today has been a rough day so far. She first woke up around 7:45am and had a snack and went back to sleep for about an hour. Then she was up till about noon fussing. Not constantly but it was like one thing lead to another: first she was hungry so we had a bottle; then she had her diaper changed; then it was gas; then she pooped; then she was over stimulated; then she was hungry again.... or those are the reasons I attribute to her fussiness. Honestly, I don't know but she fussed/cried on and off that whole time. What seems to calm her down is a lot of bouncing and going outside into the fresh air. I'm just so excited that she's sleeping right now and I really really hope that it'll be for a few hours at least.

I've been AWOL for a while because of baby mostly. Until the last few days, she's been an angel throughout the day but come the "witching hour" (usually around 9pm) she seems to know that it's bedtime and just refuses to go to sleep. For the last week or so, only her dad has been able to settle her at night to the point where she can go to sleep. And unfortunately, she's been going down around 11:30pm every night. This makes me sad. :( And of course her first nightly wake-up is around 2am which makes for a very short sleep. Her next wake up though is usually around 5 or 6am which is nice and then around 9am... So it may be just a matter of getting her sleep sorted out eventually.

She is six weeks old today so hopefully things are going to start changing soon... Allegedly (according to alot of the literature I've been perusing as of late) the period of six to eight weeks is the peak of the fussiness in babies, especially when it comes to sleeping, and then it's all downhill from there. I really hope this is true because I get so frustrated when she's inconsolable and just continues to cry and cry and cry.

When she's not crying though, she's an absolute peach. She's gaining more muscle control in her neck and can easily lift her head when she's lying on her stomach. She's also smiling a tonne in her sleep and I think she's smiled at us a few times while awake. They weren't full blown grins though and I don't think she really knew what she was doing, so I'm not really counting them as smiles. :P She's also making some neat cooing noises now and has changed the sound of her cries.

I can't believe it's already been six weeks since I've had her... and I can't believe it's been only six weeks. It seems like she's always been with us.

Of course me being the neurotic person that I am (or obsessive, or whatever) I'm already thinking of what it's going to be like to go back to work for me. I'm really not looking forward to returning to where I work (there have been alot of changes since I've been gone already) and so I've started to browse various employers for work. Isn't that crazy???? Oh well... My two biggest thing that would lead me to changes jobs is pay and benefits. I need to make at least as much as I am now and I need equal or better benefits. The one thing that I don't have right now is a "top up" to maternity leave benefits paid by EI so finding an employer that would help out if I ever go off on mat leave again would be wonderful. That and if I could continue contributing to my OMERS pension... I guess I have a whole year (or almost) to figure this out...

...a better day...

2008-09-11T15:54:00.003-04:00

Just a really quick post right now as I have to get ready to head out to a friend's going away party. I've worked with her for the past 2 years or so and she's getting transferred to a different part of her agency. I'll still see her sometimes but won't be working with her anymore. Of course I'm feeling rushed as I went and joined the local Pipe & Drum band last week (I've been wanting to learn to play the pipes for years and now I finally have the chance!!) and of course practices are on Thursday nights. So I'm running out to my friend's party and then heading over to my first P&D practice. Fun stuff.

The baby kept us up for sometime last night... she awoke around 10:30pm for a feeding and didn't go down till 1am!! Insane! Then she was up again at 5am (thank goodness for the 4hr break!) and kept me up till 7am! I have no idea why she's so wide awake. She was quite fussy at the midnight awake period and we tried everything and ended up having to give her some gripe water and she was still awake for 45min after the fact. She wasn't fussy at her feeding at dawn but she did not want to go back to sleep at all. I'm thinking she might have her internal clock confused or something. So now comes the challenge of getting her back on schedule. The reason I'm thinking this is because she's slept for most of the day to this point... I've tried keeping her up after a feeding during the day and playing with her and she just passes right out, back to dreamland. Ugh.

We had our 4wk MW appointment yesterday. Baby is 8lb 8oz and completely healthy. The MW figures she's just being fussy because of a growth spurt. She did recommend the gripe water (sans alcohol) for gas but other than that... it's just letting her do her thing which can include keeping mommy and daddy up for quite some time. Oh well. They're only young once right?

And John was a total sweetheart today and let me sleep in after I went back to bed at 7am or so. I slept till 11am and was woken to breakfast in bed! This is why I love my husband!! :D

Just a poopy day...

2008-09-09T15:56:00.003-04:00

Today is just not a good day. Baby was up quite a bit last night: she was up with John for almost 2 hours around 1am after which he woke me up to take over as he was exhausted and had run out of ideas. Luckily, after only about 15 minutes of soothing her, she went back to bed quite easily. Then it's my turn. She woke up again just before 4am for another feed. Got the feed into her, changed her diaper and then the screaming started. Just bloodcurdling screaming. She was indicating that she was hungry so I tried to feed her... but she pushed her bottle away. So we tried burping and that just seemed to make the screams worse. All in all, I tried everything I could imagine to soothe her and it just didn't seem to be working. :( This went on for two hours. I would be able to calm her down for a few minutes and then something would set her off. I have no idea what. It could've been gas, it could've been anything. She finally settled enough to fall asleep around 6am... and was back up again at 8am. Just completely exhausting.

For me, it's more emotionally draining than physically. I can deal with not sleeping. I have a hard time dealing with feeling helpless in relieving whatever is paining my little one. I've never felt so helpless before in being able to do something. I don't understand what is bothering her and after trying everything I know, I am at a loss. And her cry is so distressing to me. Yikes. So needless to say, today was spent with quite a bit of tears shed on my part...

All I can say is thank goodness John is home. I would have no idea how to deal with all of this on my own on a regular basis. He is such a lifesaver (and sanity saver) for me on days like this.

And this may be premature but I'm worrying now that the babe is developing colic or something to that effect. I'm sure I'm just overreacting but she has been so gassy and fussy (and having difficulty burping... but no difficulty farting). I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid. Oh and of course she had me worried because she went all day yesterday without pooping. Her last poop was on Sunday night and then nothing yesterday. Of course I called the midwife this morning and within an hour after talking with her, the babe went poop. So I'm relieved. But still, I wish she'd not scare me like that. ;)

2008-09-02T14:22:00.002-04:00

My goodness it has been a busy few days. My parents arrived in town this past Tuesday and have been visiting almost everyday since and John's bio. dad and step mom were in town for the long weekend so we caught up with them too and some other relatives as well that John hadn't seen in years (and I've never met).

John and baby are sleeping right now so I have some nice happy quiet time to myself to just surf the interweb and do 'stuff.' LOL. That includes checking facebook and some other forums I frequent as well as updating this blog and looking for stuff to buy online. Yeah, I'm a loser. :)

I was going to go shopping today but John convinced me that we can just stay home today and putter around the house... which ended up being him napping and me chilling. Not that I'm complaining. It's actually nice to have some time at home doing nothing.

This weekend was weird at my older brother's place. Since my parents are visiting (and staying with him) he decided to host a bbq for the family which involved us attending as well as my younger brother from TO. Needless to say, the tension that ensued while we were all together was felt by all (I think). Unfortunately, IMO, my younger brother is nowhere better - in fact I think he's getting worse. Or more brainwashed. I don't know. He's quite religious (I once again don't know why... I have my theories which include that his religious-ness is an attempt to gain favour with our mother but whatever) and he puts on this whole 'show' about being so pious and religious. I was talking with my sister-in-law and we both agree that he would really benefit from some lifeskills groups or something just to help him understand etiquette/proper behaviour around others. I think it's just something he never learned. Case in point: he showed up at my brother's to stay for the weekend in just the clothes on his back and his medication. No overnight bag packed with a change of clothes, shower/hygiene kit or anything. So no toothbrush, no shampoo, no change of underwear. Pretty much lacking everything you or I would pack if we were going to be staying somewhere overnight or for a few days (he was to stay with them for 3 nights). I know alot of this has to do with his illness and not having learned the social skills when he needed to but alot has to do with my mother's enabling as well. Which brings me to the other thing that really bothered me this weekend: was how much she catered to his wants (I was going to write needs but they're not needs, they're wants) and entertains his crazy ideas. Instead of helping him and guiding him and teaching him what is acceptable and what isn't... she makes excuses for his behaviour and tries to cover up his mistakes. All, once again IMO, in an attempt to make him seem 'normal.' So sad and maddening all at the same time.

Needless to say, by the end of the bbq (I think we were there for 5-6 hrs max) I was mentally exhausted and ready to leave.

What really bothers me and makes me sad is that I would love to have a relationship with my younger brother. I would love to have him over at our place and I would love for him to feel included in our family. However, I cannot get past the weirdness and his quirks really irritate the shit out of me. In the past I've tried to let him know this (in a nice way) in an attempt to have him work on his behaviours and then us being able to just hang out. But it doesn't work. That and I'm not religious by any means and my brother knows that the easiest way to push my buttons is to start spewing religious crap at me and he does this all the time... I don't know if it's to actually get me going or what. So that's another irritating thing.

So I really don't know what to do.

On a happy positive note, Baby is sleeping 3-4 hours at a stretch now which is fantastic. Also, John and I rotate feedings so each of us is only up once in the middle of the night. This is so helpful to me it's unbelieveable. I really don't know how those mothers who solely breastfeed and have to do all the feedings themselves do it. They are truly superwomen because I would be absolutely exhausted in less than a week if I had to be up every two hours myself. So hats off and kudos to those women!!!!!

Yes, we're bottlefeeding and formula feeding the little one. I tried breastfeeding but unfortunately, I don't have enough milk (I had a breast reduction in 2004). I tried pumping at the hospital and I'm still trying to pump at home but it takes me a few days to pump enough milk for one bottle... so we're formula feeding. Honestly, I don't feel bad or guilty about this choice whatsoever. Ideally I would have loved to breastfeed but I know that I can't and I'm okay with that. And like I said earlier, it's very helpful that John can help with the feedings which he wouldn't have been able to if I was breastfeeding exclusively.

The next thing we really have to master are the diaper changes. LOL. The babe still manages to catch us by surprise at times and even today we went through three diapers for one changing because she wasn't done pooping when we started to change her. So yeah, there are those surprises every so often. :)

Randoms

2008-08-29T15:43:00.004-04:00

I have some time right now so I'm just going to post a little bit. We finally got the laptop back from the shop so I can sit in the living room or wherever and go online while the babe is sleeping. Alot has happened in the past two weeks so while I can't capture everything here, I'll do my best.

We were in the hospital until the Saturday (16th). That afternoon we had some friends come over who are due on September 1st (and as of this post have not gone into labour yet) and my brother and sister-in-law and niece came over as well. On the Sunday, John's dad came over to see the babe too.

The first week at home was relatively easy compared to the doom and gloom stories all of our friends with children keep on trying to impart on us (you know the whole "you'll never sleep again", "you're life is forever changed" crap). The MW came out twice to do home visits and to make sure the little one was well. On discharge from the hospital she was 6lb 12oz and by the end of the first week at home she was 7lb 4oz!!

~~ saved at this point as baby awoke ~~

Saturday, August 30, 2008

We had our two week appointment at the MW clinic this past Thursday - She's now weighing in at 7lb 12oz! On the not-so-funny side, apparently I cannot dissolve stitches so the MW had to go in and remove all the stitches I received after the birth. Talk about not fun. But I tell you, my comfort level increased almost immediately and the lochia I've been experiencing has drastically reduced itself since that appointment. So all in all, not a bad day.

On Thursday we also stopped by John's work to show off the babe and to the tattoo studio we frequent to show our friends the babe. Of course everyone forgets about mom and dad at this point and completely spoils the little one.

My parents also arrived in town this past week and have been visiting us the past few days. Today (Saturday) was the first day they didn't come by. Tomorrow we're going to my brother's for a BBQ (that's where the 'rents are staying)... I have a sneaking suspicion that there will be more people there too (my younger bro and some of my parents' friends.) Whatever: we have the perfect excuse for leaving when we want to. :)

Birth Story

2008-08-28T15:23:00.002-04:00

WOW! It's been a while! I guess the first and foremost exciting news is that we had our baby born on August 14 @ 1:08pm!! She is an absolute angel and I'm loving every minute of mommyhood so far!!

Her birth story is quite amazing and I am going to try and post it all right now... we'll see how successful I am as I'm on the computer while baby naps and I can't predict how much longer she'll be asleep right now.

So on August 13 around 10:30am, my water broke. It was not the soap opera-style gushing that you see on tv by any means, but more of a trickle. It honeslty felt like I was peeing my pants without the actual peeing feeling (if that makes sense). It was just a constant warm trickle. Of course this happened while I was taking a walk (back from Tim Horton's no less). I told John that I thought my water had broken but wasn't 100% sure... so I just put on a pad and decided to walk to the mailboxes to pick up our mail. By the time I got back, I was much more sure that it was definitely my water that had broken. So we chilled out for a bit and then I decided to page my midwife to let her know (around 1pm). The MW gave us the option to come into the clinic to get assessed or she would drive out to our place, so I decided that a drive into town wouldn't be too bad and arranged to meet with her at 2pm.

At the clinic the MW tested to make sure it was amniotic fluid that I was leaking (it was!) and did an internal - I was still only 3cm dilated but 80% effaced (up from 50% on Monday) so she said the best thing to do right now is to go home and she would come out after work to our place to assess me again. At this point I was having regular contractions about 5-6 minutes apart but they weren't productive according to the MW as they were more focused around my lower abdomen and not the top of my fundus.

The MW came out as promised at 7pm and assessed me again - still at 3cm dilated but 100% effaced! She also felt a contraction and said that they were getting stronger but still not true labour despite their regularity of being 4-5min apart now. So we agreed that she would go home, have dinner and come back around 11pm for another assessment.

Up to this point, the contractions were more than bearable and I didn't have to do any breathing or anything to get through them....

At 11pm the MW was back at our place and did another internal. And finally I had progressed and was between 4-5cm dilated! So she decided to stay and labour with me as part of my birth plan was to labour at home as long as possible before going to the hospital. Around 11:30pm we decided to take a walk around the block and this turned into an hour and a half walk! It was quite nice though as it was warm out and almost a full moon. My contractions were definitely getting stronger at this point, but I could still breath and walk through them. Back at home I laboured on the exercise ball, on all fours, in any position that seemed comfortable.

Unfortunately, one of the things we discovered is that the little one was "sunny side up" in my pelvis so the back labour I started experiencing around 2am was not fun. The back pain seemed to intensify as my contractions became more progressive. The MW talked to me about sterile water injections which at first I declined to help with the back labour. At 3am the MW did another internal - in four hours I had progressed to 8cm!! So at this time, we had to make the decision to transfer to the hospital to continue (part of my original birth plan) or to continue labouring at home and try for a home birth! We talked about the pros and cons of both really quickly and decided to stay at home and try for the home birth. At this point I asked for the sterile water injection because the back pain was becoming close to unbearable. I have to mention that the stinging of the injections (there are 4) was undescribable. And I'm not a wuss or a stranger to needles and pain by any means seeing as how I have subjected myself to hours and hours of tattoo work... but seriously, this sterile water injection hurt!! But it definitely did provide a tonne of relief within 30 sec if not less. I'll be honest, I think I was a different person for a while and the MW even commented that she's never seen someone in Transition who was this calm. I was able to easily breath through my contractions and actually watch some tv!

Since we had decided to try for a home birth, the MW started setting everything up. I had received the home birth kit at my appointment on Monday and the MW had brought her equipment as well. We got our bedroom ready and were set up for a home birth! At this point, I was quite excited at the prospect of delivering at home and having a baby before 7am (MW's prediction). Around 4:30am, we decided to move to the bedroom and my MW started making phonecalls to get my secondary MW to our place. Unfortunately, the MW who was actually designated as my second had been up all night at a home birth herself, so she was unavailable. Same with my backup MW. So we ended up meeting a fourth MW who was wonderful!

Around 5am I entered second stage labour and started having the urge to push. I laboured in almost every position imaginable: on all fours, on the birthing stool, in the McRoberts' position, on my side. Unfortunately, the little one was having different ideas and she continued to remain high in my pelvis (around +1 station) and was not descending whatsoever. From what the MWs could tell, in addition to being posterior (sunny side up), the baby had her head cocked a bit which resulted in her cheek being caught up in my pelvis. Not fun. So that is why we tried all the different positions we could to try and open up my pelvic cavity and dislodge her. Unfortunately, after two hours of pushing, it just wasn't happening.

So at 7am (Aug 14) we decided to transfer to the hospital. This was not fun. By this point, my urge to push at each contraction was so overwhelming that it just completely overtook my body. I was actually quite worried as to how I would survive the car ride to the hospital as I was physically and emotionally exhausted and just ready for this baby to be born. I have to mention here too that the car ride to the hospital from our place is about 25 minutes so this made the idea of the impending transfer just that much more daunting. I was also secretly kicking myself for not opting to stick to my original birth plan and going to the hospital at 8cm.

But it had to be done. At this point, my primary MW, having been up for more than 24 hours tagged out and the secondary MW accompanied us to the hospital and would remain with us through the delivery. We came up with a plan which involved her following behind us in her car, just in case my labour progressed and the baby descended more (and would be delivered!). Luckily nothing happened on the way to the hospital - except for five or six contractions which had me crawling up the walls in the car.

I was admitted to the hospital and luckily, the anesthetist on call was readily available and was able to give me an epidural quite quickly. Equally amazing was the fact that I only had one contraction while he was administering the epidural and it was mild enough that I could breath through it and prevent my body from pushing. The epidural itself was a godsend at this point. I was so exhausted and ready to take a break. However, the OB on call still had to examine me (not a pleasant experience even while on a epidural due to the amount of internal swelling I had by this point) and he managed to flip the baby while doing his exam so that she was now facing the proper (anterior) position. The game plan at this point was to allow my uterus to do some work and hopefully get the baby lower in my pelvis to try for a vaginal delivery. However, most of the medical team were pretty convinced that I'd end up with a c-section birth.

The epidural let me rest and I actually caught some sleep from 9am - 11am. This was wonderful! At 11am, the MW and one of the residents encouraged me to start pushing with the contractions and upped my pitocin drip. The experience in pushing without the epidural and now with the epidural really helped in knowing what muscles to use. The epidural really dulled any sense of pain and all I could feel throughout was some pressure.

Oh, I have to mention here too that the MW gave me a catheter upon admission to the hospital but took it out before I started pushing. Surprisingly the catheter was not painful at all and really just uncomfortable (I had a huge fear of the catheter prior to this experience).

From 11am onwards, I pushed with each contraction I felt. Apparently I was making some small progress and the resident reported back to the OB on-call every 30 minutes or so on how I was doing. I don't know at what time but I'm guessing around 12:30pm or so, he came in and did another exam and decided that he could do a vacuum-assisted delivery. So more medical staff were laid on (staff from pediatrics had to be called) and they prepped for a vaccuum delivery. I don't know what time the vaccuum was attached to the baby's head but after that, quite a tug of war ensued. I know I pushed through two or three contractions with the help of the vaccuum and after a while, the OB told me just to continue pushing.

He kept on pulling and at 1:08pm our little one was born!!!

She screamed right away, was wiped down and placed on my chest. It was absolutely amazing staring into her eyes and seeing how alert she was after such an arduous birth.

I delivered the placenta shortly afterwards (and even got to take a look at it!) and then the repair work began. According to the hospital notes, I had second degree lacerations but the OB also gave me a medio-lateral episiotomy to accommodate the delivery by vaccuum. The MW and resident stitched me up (took about a good 30+ minutes or so I think) and I got moved up to the maternity ward about 1.5 hours after giving birth.

~~ and baby awakes so I'll write more later

And it begins!!! (I hope)

2008-08-12T14:47:00.002-04:00

My MW appointment yesterday was awesome as far as I'm concerned. She asked me if I wanted an internal to see if things were progressing and it was everything I could do to restrain myself from saying "hell ya!!" So she did an internal and lo and behold - 3cm dilated, 50% effaced! I was secretly hoping for some good news like this but wasn't too optimistic because honestly, all I've really been feeling up to that point were period-like cramps. So the MW offered to do a stretch and sweep to help speed things along if I wanted... and of course I wanted! I had a bit of bloody show after the S&S and surprisingly, it (the S&S) was uncomfortable but not unbearable by any means.

So between yesterday and today, I've noticed a definite increase in crampiness and backpain and I can honestly say I'm losing my mucuous plug. It's not one lumpy mucuousy thing but just ongoing increased CM... still blood-tinged but no soaking of pads or anything like that. I think I was having contractions while I was driving around today but they seemed to have subsided for now.

I still have my fingers crossed that this baby will be here sooner rather than later! John is hoping so too - he wants to go to Fan Expo 2008 next weekend if the baby is born. LOL!

The MW is coming to do a home visit tomorrow and she gave me the homebirthing kit yesterday just in case labour progresses quickly and the babe is born at home. I have all the stuff on the list - I just have to put it together in one place. Today I went to Walmart and picked up some munchies for when I'm in labour - Mr Freeze's and granola bars. Yummy. LOL

A whole bunch of randomness...

2008-08-07T11:33:00.008-04:00

So I'm officially on mat leave! Crazy! It feels weird not going to work but nice and refreshing at the same time to not have the stress of having to wake up at a specific time. Needless to say though, there's no such thing as sleeping in right now - I'm just not comfortable enough. But it's nice having the flexibility to take a nap if I want to!

So I'm down to 17 more days till my EDD. I'm secretly hoping that she'll be early but we'll see. I'm back to having some mother issues - she hasn't listened to what I asked before (like months ago) and is ignoring what we had discussed (that they'll come down to visit about a week after the little one is born) and are now planning on arriving on August 25! A day after my due date!! WTH!?!?!? Allegedly my parents have arranged to stay with my brother instead of at my place (thank gawd) but still. She is insistent that she wants to be at the hospital when this LO is born (once again not mentioning the delivery room but who knows if she'd try and muscle her way in there too). So saying that I'm frustrated is an understatement. I really feel like she has not listened to what I had asked before and had mislead me because she was paying me lipservice and said that she would do whatever I asked. So instead of just being honest and saying "no, this is what I would like" she just agreed to what I was asking and has gone and made her own plans. I don't know what to do anymore. John says that it might come down to me having to be just out and out rude and blunt and saying "no, this is what is going to happen." I would love to be able to do that but I can't be rude to my mother to save my life. I guess that's one of my shortcomings. I'm thinking of being equally passive agressive as she has been and just not calling her until after the baby is born and we're ready for visitors - even if she is already in town and at my brother's. Seriously. It's my birth experience that I want to share with my husband and child. Not hers. She's had two. So yeah, I'm a bit frustrated and stressed over this one but I guess we'll see how that goes.

On another wonderful family dynamic note, my younger brother has made contact with me after about two years. Quick background on him - he was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2003 after a psychotic episode had him hospitalized. Now this is what I have been told... I'm sure there is more to this story because my mother and him have enabled each other throughout the years and have twisted this story many times (I think he's had more than one psychotic episode prior to this one). For example, when my mom called me to tell me he was hospitalized, I was told that he had a panic attack. It wasn't until further digging that I found out it was an actual psychotic episode. Big difference IMO. And she would not have told me the truth unless I had "caught" her: she told me the medication he had been prescribed and it was definitely an antipsychotic prescribed for people with schizophrenia... not an antianxiety or antidepressant. So anyways, it took me a while but I did wrangle the truth from her. That was five years ago. Prior to his diagnosis, my brother did abuse substances and was active in the rave scene - so honestly, I don't know if his schizophrenia is due to pre-existing biological conditions or if it was triggered by his substance abuse. Either way, he now has it. So fast forward five years... He's going to be 27 this year and is still strongly dependent on our mother despite the fact that he lives 8 hours from the parents. They have a weird, enabling relationship that (from what I can see) really effects my parents' relationship with each other and really bothers me. My parents are retired and should be spending time together enjoying each other, travelling, whatever. Instead, my mom spends hours on the phone each day with my brother doing whatever - helping him with his school papers (he's in univ), talking about what he's doing, whatever. What really binds them is their religion (we were raised Catholic but I no longer practice). My mom is what you would call right-wing conservative in her beliefs and now my younger brother has really followed in her footsteps. So much so that it has had the effect of him becoming quite judgemental of other peoples' lifestyles if they don't mesh with his beliefs.

Anyways, enough rambling. Long story short, I am still quite upset as to the way things have turned out over the last decade or so. Both my older brother and I were expected to fend for ourselves when we left the home for univ. and never once did we receive even a bit of the financial suppport my younger brother has. Not that we ever wanted it or asked for it. We both paid our own way through univ. and have gone onto having (what we would like to view as) successful lives. Then there's the youngest - he was coddled through highschool and now univ. (seriously, my mom should be getting the BA, not him) with alot of his expenses paid for. My mom had opened a joint account and he would call her at all hours of the night and she would run and deposit money so he could party. He used drugs the first few years away from home and got himself into a world of poop. But my mom keeps on rescuing him.

over and over and over

Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.

Yup, that describes my mom to a tee.

So ANYWAYS , my brother has now contacted me and wants to communicate. I'm very leary about sending emails back and forth because my mom has told me previously that he shares his email account with her and she's privy to his emails. So I feel like I cannot be completely honest and open with him in the emails as she is going to read it. So I've been pretty vague in my responses to-date. He also wants to come and visit and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that by any stretch of the imagination.

All that and I'm 37 weeks pregnant. LMAO

The sad part is, I would love for my daughter to know both her uncles. I don't want to start her life out in the middle of this weird family that has "the crazy uncle" and everything else to boot. Seriously. But what else am I supposed to do? I will not risk exposing her to someone who is not completely healthy yet (which he isn't at all) and who has some very skewed views of the world that don't correspond to our beliefs.

Ugh.

Only 8 more working days left...

2008-07-22T20:11:00.002-04:00

And once again, I suck at keeping this updated. I swear I'll be better once I'm done work and on mat leave... at least till the little one comes. I can't promise too much more after that.

I can't believe I'm past the 35 week mark now. Only 33 more days and I hit my due date. That's insane! It seems almost like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. Almost.

So my latest rant is going to be about my replacement that they hired on contract to fill my mat leave position. My replacement is a completely two-faced bitch and she's just putting out such bad vibes. I thought she'd be okay because she's been working in the field for about 7 years but she's just a complete blade. She ran to management today about something I did that she didn't agree with (she's been at the agency for less than 2 months!!!!!!!) hoping to get me in trouble (which she didn't). Seriously... So the other girl that I work with and I are trying to figure out her motives - if it's to get permanent, I'm sure mgmt won't enjoy having a shit disturber on their hands. It's just too frustrating. I can't wait to be off. The worst thing is, now I'm thinking of ways to come back to work early just to screw her contract. LOL I have to stop thinking like that. But seriously.

I was talking with one of my friends and she was saying that unfortunately, for her it seemed like everytime she went off on mat leave, the same workplace drama happened. I really can't handle this... it's too much. Why are women so evil to each other???

On exciting news, I have my baby shower this Thursday after work. I cannot wait. My friend has put so much work into planning this shower. Now I'm trying to find a nice thank you gift for her.

32 weeks... 56 more days.... OMFG

2008-06-29T20:46:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that I'm in the last stretch of this pregnancy. Seriously, where does the time go?? I'm feeling much better this week than last week and I think the hemmerhoids shrinking have a lot to do with that. :P I can walk normal again (yay) and my hips don't feel as tired... probably because I can walk normal. LOL... that doesn't go without saying that I am walking with a strong waddle nowadays... My nice coworkers always remind me that I really look pregnant now because of my walk. Gee, thanks.

So we caught the younger cat sleeping in the crib this weekend. Grrr... so the crib is now lined with tin foil. So far there is no evidence of her jumping back in there since but who knows. She's sneaky. :) I'm still pretty confident that both cats will stay away from the baby once she's here - they cannot tolerate loud, sudden movements and noise and are scared of my 6 y.o. niece so I'm sure a newborn will scare the bejeezus out of them.

John bought me a glider/ottoman this past week. Yayness!! I think the nursery is now complete minus the small odds and sods.

So my MW appointment on Thursday went well. My placenta has moved (insert happy dance here) so everything is go for a "normal" delivery... The babe was head down at the appointment and HB was strong at 133 bpm. From my 30 wk u/s, everything is measuring normal and on schedule. Yay! The MW drew some blood to do a final CBC and iron count just to make sure I'm doing okay and I got my letter to confirm my EDD to take to my HR department which I handed in that day.

So it seems like everything is progressing... I haven't packed our hospital bags yet even though I've thought about it. I guess I should but I'm still too lazy. Is that bad?

Stupid laptop is broken....

2008-06-21T17:33:00.003-04:00

So we went to the 30 week ultrasound on Monday (16th). Found out that the hospital has a new policy which was implemented in the last 10 weeks since our 20 wk ultrasound. No one is allowed to go into the u/s room except the mom while the tech is doing the measurements and shite. Dad's / support people are invited in for only the last five minutes of the u/s. Seriously, this blows. I'm sure I can figure out why this policy was implemented. I can just imagine that there are some people out there who are completely inconsiderate and brought in a whole slew of family and friends to their ultrasounds... or dragged three or four screaming children in with them and I'm sure this bothered the technicians to the point where they couldn't accurately do their jobs. But seriously. I wish they could do this on a case-by-case basis. John loved seeing the measurements being taken at the 20 wk u/s and he was quite disappointed that he could only see five minutes of the u/s this time. GRRrrr... very annoying. And to top it off, the tech we had was a bit of a grumpy b!tch so that didn't make anything any better. At least we got a cool shot of the baby's face. :)

So there's something wrong with my laptop and the connection port for the power is shot so I can't use it right now - the battery is down to 6% - probably even less by now. We're supposed to get it fixed, hopefully soon....

And we got our travel system yesterday!! It's the Evenflo Aura Elite - we got it at Sears and while it was more than I had wanted to spend, it rocks! Even John loves it which is a bonus! :) The baby seat fits into the stroller quite easily and the stroller folds and opens easily (it's a bit stiff now but it's new). I can't wait to try this out with the babe! I'm a bit disappointed because my older brother had given us a Peg Perego travel system that my niece used but it was manufactured in 2001 so the carseat was a no-go right from the start even though it's in great condition. The stroller we may still use as it looks very comfy for baby... But it's nice to have our own, brand-new travel system too!

* * * TMI Alert * * *

And somehow this week I have managed to develop hemmorhoids. Evil evil things they are. It seems to me like they materialized almost overnight and now they're not working hard enough at going away. I think Tuesday and Wednesday were my worst days and they're slowly letting up now but I'm still no where near comfortable that's for sure. I hope to gawd they go away but I have a sneaky suspicion that I'm blessed with them for the remainder of this pregnancy. Sadness. I have a whole arsenal of OTC treatments on hand now too... extra strength anusol, the preparation h cooling gel, epsom salts, tucks pads... the list goes on. LOL

* * * TMI Alert * * *

And the countdown to mat leave has started... August 1 is my last day!! I'm going to have to get a ticker or something to countdown the days for me as I suck at remembering stuff like this. :)

30 weeks... 30 weeks!!!!!!!

2008-06-15T18:05:00.002-04:00

OMG... I cannot believe I'm at 30 weeks now. That's 75% done. Wow!!! Time does fly when you're having fun. :) LOL, ok that's a bit extreme. But seriously. I can't believe I'm already at 30 weeks. Today was a good weight day... I'm still the same weight I was on Wednesday when I went to the MW... so hopefully the whole weight gain thing is slowing down. That would be a relief.

I forgot to mention in my last post that my GD test results came back a big fat negative so I'm quite pleased with that. And so's the MW I think. Tomorrow I'm going for another u/s to see if my placenta has moved - hopefully it has and we can keep on planning for a normal birth. I really don't want to consider a c-section at all but I guess we'll see.

Other than that, feeling pretty good today except for the round ligament pain that is excruciating if I move too quickly. I had another massage this past Friday which was a godsend and I'm going to be booking in much more regularly for more...

Stuff and Such...

2008-06-11T21:39:00.003-04:00

So my June 9 MW appointment was cancelled yet again (thank goodness they called me at 8:30am at work this time) and was rebooked for today. And it didn't get cancelled this time around. Yay!!! :) John came to this appointment with me - it was his first prenatal appointment. He says he enjoyed it and has confidence in the MW so that's good. My next one is in two weeks on the 26th and he'll get to meet the secondary MW then.

So today's big topic of conversation was home birth and I have to admit that I'm really starting to lean towards having a home birth. I'm not a big fan of the epidural and the more I read about it and learn, the less inclined I am to ask for one unless I absolutely need it. The MW talked about this too and how she would recommend an epidural if I needed it for 'therapeutic rest' but if that's the case, there are other thing going wrong too (e.g., I'm not dilating on schedule). So she sent us home with some books to read and we're going to go to a home birthing info session next month. I can't believe I'm even saying that I'm thinking of a home birth but it's so true... Just weighing the pros and cons... I would honestly just love to be able to go to sleep in my own bed and wake up in my own bed with the little one already home. It would be so peaceful.

The appointment went well though - the baby is still breech and she's facing to my right which explains all the kicks to my right side. I'm not worried yet but I do hope she flips soon.

I guess having a home birth depends on a lot of factors including the results of my ultrasound on Monday (to see if my placenta has moved). So far everythings been good - the MW got my gestational diabetes testing bloodwork back and I'm completely normal. Whoo hoo! So all this weight gain is just pregnancy stuff and now water retention. :P Oh yes, my kankles are quite swollen. LOL

I think I've decided on my final work day - August 1st. I have 5 days left of vacation time so if I take four of those after the August long weekend, I'll have a fully paid week off before I start my mat leave. I think August 1st is a good day to finish up at work. So I have to let my manager know soon I guess - probably tomorrow. I hope I can make it through July anyways - just the way I've been feeling lately with sore hips, definite round ligament pain and just doing the whole preggo waddle - I honestly don't know if I can survive another six weeks at work. Boo... six whole weeks. :( I would love to go off earlier if $$ wasn't a factor.

John and I went out for dinner tonight to celebrate my birthday. Unfortunately yesterday was consumed by him having to work and me running around getting my car emissions tested and getting new stickers (yes, I am the greatest procrastinator that lives). So we decided to go out tonight. We went to Philthy's and it was yummy. But I can tell that the little one is starting to squish my tummy as my appetite seems to be decreasing.

29 weeks... 11 more to go!

2008-06-08T17:06:00.002-04:00

I swear it's been hot this weekend - actually since Thursday or Friday. So for a few days this week. Not that I'm complaining too much since I hate the cold. But seriously, the humidity can tone it down a bit IMO and the heat could drop a couple of degrees and I wouldn't complain that much. :P Since the humid weather, I've noticed a bit of swelling in my hands and my feet by the end of the day - nothing major yet though. I'm still wearing my rings but I think it's getting to that point where I need to take my engagement ring off. I really don't want to but I don't want it to get stuck either. :) I'm going to have to find a necklace so I can wear the rings still. I think I'm going to feel naked without them on.

So I went up to the Regiment yesterday to get my casing. Nice and engraved - one more change jar. LOL. It was nice seeing the people who were there - I sure don't miss the bullsh!t though.

And our patio table broke yesterday so John and I bought a new one today. It's bigger and feels more sturdier so hopefully this one lasts more than a year. Gah. Stupid unseen expenses.

I'm excited though because it looks like I'm going to have a Baby Buddha Sling soon!! One of the nice ladies on BB is selling me hers. I'm so excited!! I've been looking for a sling type carrier for a while and just could not settle on one that I would like.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'm finding Mondays harder and harder. I just want to sit at home and veg. Luckily I have a MW appointment tomorrow so I get to leave work early. The crappy thing is that John has his own doctor's appt so he won't be able to come to this one afterall. :( Maybe the next one. Oh well.

A Sigh of Relief...

2008-06-05T22:38:00.002-04:00

And I totally forgot to post about this. For anyone who has been following this blog, you might recall that I was having mini meltdowns about my mother's offer to 'help' once the baby arrives (and even before!). Well, I had a chance to talk to her on Tuesday evening and she brought up the topic yet again and I was able to direct the conversation in a kind, nice, happy way to where I wanted it to go!! So I was able to get my thoughts across on how it would be so much more beneficial for John and I to have her down a few weeks after the baby was born (not before I went into labour and while in the hospital as she had originally wanted to). She was open to my request and I think things are going to work out. So YIPPEE! I was so not looking forward to trying to have this conversation and lay down the whole "we don't want you here at the birth" thing even though it's the truth. :( John and I want this to be our time to start our family and while I know it's important for everyone else too - it is our thing. So now it seems like feelings won't be hurt and people won't be upset and we'll get to do it the way we want to. So tell me how much of a relief THAT is to me!

Oh my... stupid people really irk me

2008-06-05T19:32:00.002-04:00

Soooo... I was supposed to have a midwife appointment yesterday. Yup, keyword is supposed.

This was going to be the first appointment John came to as well so he could start getting to know the MWs and getting comfortable with them as well. So we planned to meet at home at 3pm and then drive into town for 4pm. I left work at 2:30pm (2 hrs before my normal end of day so I am losing a bit of pay here) and get home at 3pm. We're just about to head out and I decide on a whim to check if there are any messages. There sure is!! >.< There's a message from my midwife group (specifically from the student who is currently doing a placement there) cancelling my appointment. This would normally not bother me because it has happened before.

But they had the courtesy to call me at work in the morning so I wouldn't miss any work!!!

So of course I'm livid because I've now taken time off work, I'm losing pay and I'm sitting at home with no appointment to go to. So I call back and talk to the receptionist who transfers me to the student who's doing the rescheduling. Keep in mind she's a MW student so she is in university and I'm guessing isn't that dumb. Or so I assume. So I'm a bit peeved but try to be nice and explain to her that I just got the message since I was at work and am now home early from work. She doesn't get it and asks, oh great, can you come in tomorrow morning instead?? So I explain to her as patiently as I can that no, I too have clients that I schedule and it takes me at least a few days to juggle my schedule around so that I can attend my own appointments. She doesn't seem to get this. So I asked if she had my work telephone number on file as it seems odd that the MW group could call me at work before to reschedule and that she didn't this time. First she says no... we just have your home phone number and this other number that doesn't seem right. I ask her really? So I ask her to recite the number and sure enough, it's my work number. (So now I'm getting angry). I asked her why she didn't call and she said that the number didn't seem right as it's a different area code. I live in freakin Southern Ontario... of course it's a different area code as where I work and where I live are in different area codes. It happens. So being the dear dimwit, she asks if I can come in over a lunchtime if the morning appointment doesn't work for me. So I once again remind her that I work in one city and live in another and the commute is about 30-45 minutes most days so it would be mathematically impossible for me to take my 60min lunch hour and drive the 30-45min, have a 30 min appointment and drive back to work in time. She didn't seem to get it. At the end of this painful conversation, I ended up rescheduling for next Wednesday (the 11th) but I've since gotten it changed to Monday (9th). In retrospect, all I was looking for was even a small, sincere apology or even acknowledgement of her oversight in not calling me at work. But I didn't get it. So I think that's what put me over the edge. So yes, hormonal, preggo Mary kicked in for a bit and I had a bit of a crying jag - more out of anger than anything else. It's all a matter of principle for me I guess. I'm still angry today because really, it's just poor customer service... so I think I'll let my MW know on Monday that I'm disappointed on how this was handled. It's obviously not her fault but she should know what her administrative support staff are doing (or rather not doing). Gah.

On a good note, we did have our hospital tour yesterday evening... It took longer than I had thought it would. We were there for almost two hours. Got a nice tour of Labour & Delivery and of the Maternity Ward. Got a Reader's Digest version of prenatal classes (why did we bother spending money on those, I'll never remember) and I got a warm fuzzy about the L&D nurses. If most of them are as nice as the RN who gave us the tour, I'll be happy. So apparently the average length of stay in hospital for a normal birth is 48 hours and for c-section is twice that long. What a change eh from even 30 years ago? My mother was saying that she was in the hospital with me for 10 days and I know with my younger brother she was in for about 5. Weird.

After the tour, John and I went out for dinner to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary (it was on the 3rd but he had to work that evening). I had yummy escargots (mmmm I could go for some more right now) and a roastbeef & mushrooms stuffed yorkshire pudding thingy. It was pretty good too.

28 weeks... 12 more to go (or 84 days but who's counting?)

2008-06-01T22:05:00.006-04:00

I think this is the beginning of me saying I want this to be over soon. My back hurts, my pelvis hurts, my hips hurt, I feel like a house and then some and I can't sleep more than 6 hours at night and even that's interrupted by one or two pee breaks. Seriously. And I get breathless walking up stairs and I swear I have the preggo waddle now. :( Oh and no matter what size bra I wear, it's very uncomfortable by the end of the day. And I would love to not have to wear the ginormous 40D bra... it would be nice to be back in my 36B thank you very much.

So yeah... I'm feeling preggo. :P

And I had a meltdown on Saturday because of my weight yet again. My maternity clothes are starting to get tight and some don't even fit now (Old Navy jeans) and I'm getting sad. I've gained 8lb so far since my last MW visit so I'll probably be up to 9lb by Wednesday when I see her again. I am just floored at the rate I'm gaining weight. I'm up to 188lb as of yesterday which is ridonkulous... that's 38lb since this pregnancy has started. WTF... where's the "standard 25-35lb" weight gain that I'm supposed to get???? I surpassed that a few weeks ago that's for sure. So yeah... had a minor meltdown on Saturday. I just feel huge. And I'm uber worried that I won't be able to lose the weight afterwards. I think that's the even bigger fear. I don't care if I gain weight now - I know it's for a good cause - but I sure don't want to be stuck at this weight or even in the 160-170lb range afterwards. And I can't imagine the struggle it'll be to lose the preggo weight. Ugh. See.... hence the meltdown.

So I think I'm in need of some retail therapy to make myself feel better and to get some clothes that fit a bit more comfy. John's working on Tuesday evening so I'm probably going to head to the mall then. Of course Tuesday is also our second anniversary so I definitely have to pick something up for him. :) We've decided to actually celebrate on Wednesday as he's working Tues. night and it'll just fit our schedules better. I have my MW appointment Wednesday and John's going to come to this one (his first one!!) to start getting to know the MW. We then have the hospital tour afterwards and then we'll go out for dinner somewhere... Our last anniversary without the little one. Crazy.

We went out today looking for a rocker/glider for the nursery. Yeah, no luck. First we went to Zellers which had only one that looked pretty cheap but was $299. And then we went to Babies R Us which had nothing under $350. So no luck today. I did get a diaper bag though. It's like the picture only in red. It's made by Columbia and looks pretty functional so I'm satisfied. :) And it was on sale for $40 which makes it even better!!! We also stopped at Starbucks for some nice expensive coffees and at the comic book store to feed our nerd urge. :)

John also put together the change table on Saturday after having gone to Ikea on Friday to pick up some things. He's such a dear... he got a mobile for the babe as well as some bedding, a quilt and the Spoka night light I've been dying to get:
Too cute!!! So the nursery is almost done I think. Oh, John also picked up a rug for the babe's room - it's blue with two dragons on it. I love it - it fits nicely!!

So yes... I guess I do have an awesome husband. :)

Other than that... the babe's been kind of quiet this weekend. Has her kicking bouts and then just hangs out for a while. Almost all her kicks have been to the inside of me though and not the outside... So I haven't seen any kicks lately. But I have sure felt them!! I think she found my cervix earlier this weekend (not fun) and now she's kicking somewhere around my bladder or something. Crazy. But it's nice to know she's happy and active in there.

I'm not feeling like going to work tomorrow... I would love to just take some time off and relax around the house. I think I'm going to start thinking of when I'm finishing up before my mat leave... I wanted to work as close to the date as possible but now I'm thinking of going off 2-3 weeks beforehand. Maybe early August.... I'm taking June 23rd off - it's a Monday. I have the maternity pre-registration at the hospital that day and I just don't feel like going to work for 1/2 a day. So I figured I'd just book the whole day off.

It's now past 10:30pm so I think I'm going to have to stop sitting online here and finish up some chores (dishes... grrr) before bed.

GD Testing Tomorrow

2008-05-28T22:00:00.002-04:00

And as a result, I'm sitting here craving a snack. It's 10pm and I haven't eating anything since dinner... so around 7pm. So sad... I could so use a snack. LOL.

I'm a bit nervous about this GD testing. I really don't know why. I've been trying to maintain good nutrition but I will be the first to admit it that my sweet tooth has really kicked in the past two months or so. But I don't even know if craving sweets is an indication of GD or if I'm just craving sweets. And it's not any type of sweets - primarily chocolate and ice cream. :)

Work has been good and I'm impressed with my new coworker. I really like her so far and she really wants to be working where we're at so I'm happy. Yay!!

I went to Babies R Us yesterday just to browse and there was so much nice stuff there. Man I wish I had oodles of $$$ to spend at BRU. LOL. I'm actually impressed that I didn't go a bit crazy and actually buy some stuff. What self control!

I think I'm Missing Some Brain Cells...

2008-05-25T18:44:00.002-04:00

OMG.

I so do not recommend prenatal classes to anyone who has a schmeck and knows something about their own body and has read at least one pregnancy/birthing book. Seriously. This weekend I lost 16 hours sitting in a classroom with my husband and 10 other couples listening to what pretty much added up to a grade 9 health class lecture. It was a complete waste of our time. What's worse, I feel mislead because on the website and the curriculum that was posted it really seemed like we would get a lot more information on natural pain management and postpartum issues such as breastfeeding, etc. Well, the natural pain management techniques pretty much lasted for 2 hours and that included about 30 minutes of practice and postpartum was oh... maybe an hour at the most. I'm very disappointed. I can now tell you in detail about the three stages of labour and the three parts of Stage 1 Labour and I can tell you all about C-Section births and everything else... but honestly - I've already read about all that stuff. Having a facilitator re-teach me everything I've already read is a complete waste of my time and money. At least we got a tennis ball and one certificate (without our names) out of the deal.

Really though, I don't think I'm ever going to waste my money on this again. Maybe something more "advanced" or more specific like a breastfeeding class or something. But definitely not a general prenatal class.

Oh and best of all, there were two doulas-in-training sitting in on the classes and you would think that they would have the courtesy to just observe (like they were supposed to be doing). No.... they always had to pipe in with their two cents and their experiences. Helloooo... you're "in training..." how about letting the facilitator who is an experienced nurse talk?? How about that? It was just irritating.

So, that was my weekend. What a waste.

And such gorgeous weather too!!!

I'm at 27 weeks today - I can't believe that the baby will be here in 13 weeks give or take! The girl who is going to fill part of my mat leave starts work tomorrow and is actually going to shadow me for the majority of the day tomorrow as well. I don't know how I feel about meeting my replacement already. It's a bit weird. That's my own control issues though. I hope she's nice. I don't know her from a hole in the ground but a couple of people that I work with know her on a personal level (not professional) and say she's a bit of an airhead or ditz. So I'm trying to keep an open mind... Really really trying.

I think I'm going to turn in my memo soon outlining my mat leave plans. I really don't know yet when I want to go off but the more I think about it, the more I think I would like 1-2 weeks to myself to veg before the babe arrives. And on the offchance she's early.

So much to think about.

I'm going for my GD testing this Thursday so I have to keep on reminding myself - no more food after 8pm on Wednesday. That's going to suck. :(

Hump Day yet again...

2008-05-14T19:36:00.002-04:00

And there's really nothing new to report today. Work was good - they've announced a new hiree (temp) who will be replacing my coworker that's off on sick leave and who'll end up covering part of my Mat Leave. She's starting on the 26th... We'll see how that goes.

Baby's kicking up a storm and it's great... I'm loving the feeling. :)

I'm tired today so I'm not going to blog for very long... maybe take a bath soon.

Just a quick check in today...

2008-05-13T23:02:00.002-04:00

My parents were here and now they're gone. It was a nice visit but they did exhaust me after a while. I really felt like I had to entertain them 24/7 even though I know I really didn't. But other than that, we had a nice visit. For Mother's Day my father took the four of us (mom, dad, John & I) to an Austrian restaurant and I had the yummiest weinerschnitzel. It was absolutely delicious. I haven't had food like that in a while. And then my mom cooked for us yesterday (roasted pork loin... yummy). So that was good!! They've gone to my older brother's for a few days now before they head back home. I didn't get to talk to them about the plans for August for when the little one is born but they didn't bring it up at all so I didn't want to wreck an otherwise pleasant visit.

I went to the MW on Monday for my check up. It was cancelled from last Thursday as the MW had to go deliver a baby. :) Everything is great - the babe's measuring on schedule etc etc. There are some concerns with GD since I've gained 30 lb already this whole pregnancy. So I have the requisition in hand and I need to go do the GD testing in the next 2-3 weeks. Yay. Have I mentioned that I'm not looking forward to that. Hopefully I'm just a fatty mcbutter pants and the baby likes the food that I'm eating. :)

So since the parents left, I've put the crib together in the nursery!! It's so exciting!! The bedroom is starting to look like a nursery now. Oh and today I went and bought three more even larger bras. Yay. Who would have thought such a small thing would cause so much joy! LMAO. I am seriously feeling way more comfortable though so I'm happy!

And even though it's only Tuesday, I'm already looking forward to the long weekend. I loved having four days off and I think I'm really digging this staying at home sh!t. :)

The week is coming to an end for me...

2008-05-07T21:49:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow's my last day at work this week and it's going to be a short one too which is nice. I have three clients booked in the AM and then I'm off to family court to provide support to a client. Then I just have some drop-in time booked for people to come in and see me if they need to and I'm off at 2:30pm to go to my MW's appointment. I'm so looking forward to a short day... Friday and Monday I'm off... YAY!!!

I talked to my parents last night and they're getting excited to be coming down to visit. They'll be here sometime early Friday afternoon. It sounds to me like the plan is that they'll stay with us till Tuesday and then they'll head to my older brother's for a few days. Should make for a nice visit hopefully. My mom's also all excited because it's Mother's Day this weekend and she gets to spend it with her preggo daughter. =P

So I think that we have decided on a name for the little one!! How unbelieveable is that?? I think we're going to go with Kaitlyn Vera. John wanted Caitlyn initially but I prefer the "K". I don't know for sure yet though so I'm still going to juggle both around and see what I like the best.

24 Weeks!!

2008-05-04T22:27:00.002-04:00

So it's 24 weeks today... which is technically six months if you count four weeks per month.... but that leaves 16 weeks or another four months to go. Yikes! Honestly though, the time has gone so quickly for me so far...

Today I saw my baby kick for the first time. That's right!! John and I were sitting on the computers upstairs and she started kicking so I thought I'd lift up my shirt to see if I could see any movement and I sure did! It was so cool!

My Pity Post

2008-05-03T18:06:00.002-04:00

It's a rainy Saturday here so we spent most of our time indoors today. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. John finished up the baseboard in the nursery and I spent the majority of the day cleaning the house in preparation for my parents next weekend.

I do have to have a pity post for myself right now though about my weight... I'm officially 178lb today which is 28lb more than my pre-pregnancy weight. WTH is that??? I'm only 24 weeks along which means that I still have 16 weeks to go which means I can still put on more freakin' weight. Everyone I've complained to so far tells me not to worry as I'm carrying all this weight in my belly which I guess is a good thing. I can't help but worry though because "all" the books recommend a 25-35 lb weight gain throughout the whole pregnancy. Well, if I'm at 30lb now and can only gain 5 more... LMAO. That'll never happen. What frustrates me alot too is that it's not like I'm eating an unhealthy diet and gorging on sweets or fatty foods. I am eating slightly bigger portions than normal but am eating healthy and am not indulging for the most part. So where is this weight coming from?? Seriously.

Apparently I've "Exploded"....

2008-05-01T19:34:00.002-04:00

So one of my coworkers today looked at me and said, "my gawd you've exploded." So seriously, what's that supposed to mean?? I really don't think that alot of people actually think before they say stuff. I've exploded??? Really now. The funny part is, what I wanted to say was "hello pot, this is kettle.... you are black." This woman is not overweight; that would be an understatement. She is rather large. She has no neck. She's shorter than me. And she walks like Shrek. She huffs and puffs the minute she has to get her lard ass out of her office chair and walk down the hallway to get a client. Her face turns red with any amount of physical exertion.

And I've exploded.

Whatever.

So John and I talked some more tonight about the mother situation. He thinks I'm overanalyzing this whole thing and I think (hope) that he's right. He thinks that once we sit down and talk to my parents (mostly mother) she'll get over the "baby brain" and realize what's best and what makes the most sense (come down to visit after the baby is born and not a moment before). I hope he's right. So I'm now going to do my best to not worry about this again.

It's Hump Day

2008-04-30T21:26:00.002-04:00

And it's all downhill from here for the rest of the week. :)

I honestly don't think I have anything interesting to write today. Work was work. Kind of busy but not really. I'm on top of my paperwork again and am not feeling behind so I'm quite happy. I always feel frustrated and overwhelmed when I fall a few days behind in my paperwork. I guess that's the anal retentive side of me that needs to have everything done in a certain way within a certain timeframe.

So I've been thinking some more about my mother dilemma and I think I might be coming up with a solid gameplan... First part will be to tell her that the MWs only allow one person in L&D and that is John of course. The next part is a bit dependent on my older brother... both he and my SIL said they're more than willing to do whatever to help John and I out. So if my parents insist on coming down before the babe's born and staying for a while, I'm going to find out if they can stay at my brother's place for the first 4-5 days after the baby's birth. In the end though, I think I owe it to my baby and John to just let our wishes be known... it's going to be hard and sucky though. I still have a strong feeling that my mom is going to be hurt and will play the martyr....

Preggo Hormones?

2008-04-29T21:27:00.002-04:00

Today was a fairly good day at work. Most things went well and all my clients showed up. I guess it's because it's the end of the month and cheque day is coming soon... but still. I like to think that there are other motivating factors making them come to their appointments. =P

I did get my back up today though and I swear, if I had any less patience or any more angry preggo woman hormones, I think I would have been ruder. One of my clients' girlfriend's is pregnant as well - she's about 2-3 weeks ahead of me. However, as I deal with people who have addictions, she is definitely not showing nearly as much as I am... not even half as much (I'm sure you can figure out why). So my client had the audacity to look at me and say "my, you're HUGE." And kept on going about how BIG I was. Gee, thanks arsehole. It took everything in me to bite my tongue and not say what I was thinking... which was "this is what a healthy 23 week old pregnancy looks like." I won't lie though, I definitely thought that. Seriously.

I went to visit John at work today too - he works late on Tuesday nights so I figured I'd pop by over the dinner hour and bring him a Starbucks. I know most of his work friends anyways so it wasn't weird or awkward. Anyways, we're all sitting in the mess (army term for the bar) and one of the guys goes to light up a cigarette. And I think we all knew what was coming except for him. The minute he lit up, John really dug into him and gave him sh!t for lighting up "in front of a pregnant woman no less." LOL. It was good - we all had a good laugh and even more so because he became sooo embarressed.

**inserting disclaimer here - it was well ventilated and I swear, if I smelled any of the cigarette smoke, I would've been out of there... I'm not exposing my babe to second hand smoke if I can help it.... **

Anyways... Other than that, John and I are trying to come up with a polite, non-hurtful way to try and explain to my mom that we don't want her to come down for the first week after the baby is born. I have no idea how we're going to do this and I'm so worried that I'm going to hurt her feelings or that she's going to misunderstand what we're asking and that she's going to be upset and feel un-needed (is that a word??). I guess my problem is that I always put others' needs and feelings before mine and I really wish that in this situation I could be a bit of a b!tch and just ask her to back off without feeling guilty... but I can't.

DH Felt Movement!

2008-04-28T19:21:00.003-04:00

So today I was thinking on the way home and decided that I'm going to make a concerted effort to spend at least 10 minutes a day blogging just for the sake of it. Not only because I've been feeling guilty for not keeping this up to date but because it's actually a good way to unwind, de-stress and even process somethings. So here goes nothing and hopefully I can add even a few lines each day.

So last night as we went to bed, the babe started kicking up a storm. I had John put his hand on my belly and at first he didn't feel anything but then said he felt two good strong kicks. Yayness! I'm so excited that he's finally feeling something. I honestly think it's so hard at times for guys to get as involved and as excited about the pregnancy because their experience is so different from ours (obviously!). I'm hoping the LO starts kicking again tonight so he can feel her again.

I called the maternity registration clinic today and I have both our tour and the registration appointment booked. June 4th we go for the tour and June 23rd is our registration date. It seems so far away and then again it doesn't. Really, it's only a month and a bit away... insane really. I still can't believe how quickly time is flying with this pregnancy.

So my next stressful event is my parents coming down in two weeks. Not even - they're coming the weekend before the May 2-4... They should be arriving the 8th or 9th and are staying with us for a few days. I haven't seem them in some time as they live 8 hours away so this should be a nice visit. I hope. As with all families, mine are a bit odd in their own way too. So we'll see how that goes.

Movement

2008-04-27T22:56:00.002-04:00

Oh and I have to share this... last night / early this morning as I was going to bed (I think it was after midnight) I felt the baby's first real kicks. Not just flutters and bubbly movements as I've been feeling for the past week or so but two good solid kicks. Very neat to say the least. I'm a bit sad that it's taken this long to start feeling real movement but I'm so happy now that it's here. I found out at my last MW appointment that I have an anterior placenta. So it's been padding me from the baby's movements and making them less discernible. I'm also wondering if this is why I started showing and growing out of my regular clothes sooner than other people? The only thing I'm mildly concerned about right now is that my placenta is almost "low lying." Basically it's not touching my cervix but is only 12mm away from it. Appparently it needs to be 25mm away in order for the hospital staff and everyone else to be comfortable enough to proceed with a normal birth. So I've been scheduled for an u/s around 28 weeks to see if my placenta's moved. Apparently this is quite normal and the placenta will have moved (or should) as my uterus continues to grow. So here's my fingers crossed that it's moved by 28 weeks.

23 Weeks (aka I Suck at Updating this Thing)

2008-04-27T21:33:00.005-04:00

And the title says it all.

So I'm going to try and do a Reader's Digest update on what's been going on lately.

I guess first things first... We had the ultrasound done at 19 weeks, 3 days and IT'S A GIRL!!! How exciting is that!!!?? So of course here are pictures:

OK, so they're not much to look at but seriously - the u/s was tres cool!! Unfortunately, I only got to see about 5 minutes of the show while John got to see the whole thing - a good 20 minutes or so. The tech was really nice and she showed us all the major organs and body parts afterwards. And our daughter (how cool is that!!) was really kicking up a storm in there that day. The tech actually hard a hard time "pinning" her down to get the last few measurements of her heart.

So I went to the midwife the week after and the babe is measuring completely normal which is fantastic so I'm completely happy!

My biggest concern right now is how quickly I'm gaining weight. Everyone says I look fantastic and I don't think I look half bad most of the time but I did gain 9lb in one month. At my last MW's appointment I weighed in at 168lb... this week I'm already at 175 and I have 1.5 wk until my next appointment. I really really hope I don't gain another 9 lb in between appointments. I do know where all this weight is going though - my poor boobies. :( I swear they just keep on growing. Grrr. Which would be fine but they're already big enough and I really don't want them to get any bigger.

Other than that, the nursery is coming along nicely. John's painted the walls and now it's a matter of putting in the baseboard and trim. Here are some up to date shots - I don't think you can truly make out the contrast in colour yet though.

I can't wait till everything is done! Not much longer now I think!!

Last day before back to work... sadness

2008-03-25T22:15:00.003-04:00

So today was my last day of freedom before going back to the grind. Thank goodness I only have a three-day work week this week. I really don't want to go back to work - I'm enjoying this lazy time off. Dangerously enough, I can check my work email from home, which I just did, and it doesn't seem too overwhelming so hopefully tomorrow will be a slow day. For some reason I doubt it though. :)

Sooo the most exciting news, kinda scary news, today was that John's medical release from the army has been approved! OMG. We've been waiting for an answer on this since summer 2007 so it's nice to finally have an answer. I don't know all the details as he was just contacted by phone today from work. He's going in tomorrow to look over the package. But from what I understand, and what he's been told so far, his retirement leave is to start no later than September 1st (just in time for the babe!) and to the best of my knowledge, part of the release package is two years of postsecondary education completely paid for by the wonderful CF (and he gets to collect 80% of a paycheque as well) as well as six months of "find yourself" paid leave. There's also the medical pension which he needs to talk to DVA about. So lots of work to do in the next few weeks to get everything sorted out. That and I don't think he knows for sure what he wants to take in college! :) So that will be something to explore too!!

I'm excited though because this means a whole new career as well as a chance for John to be home more regularly with the little one when s/he arrives. And if things work out, then maybe even have enough time at home during the babe's second year that we don't need daycare. I know, I'm getting ahead of myself. But who knows, right?

So as promised, here are some belly pics and some reno pics.... Enjoy!!

18 weeks, 2 days

18 weeks 1 day

2008-03-24T00:53:00.005-04:00

It's the Easter long weekend and once again I have neglected my blog. I am so bad at this sometimes. Oh well... LOL

I've been off since Friday thanks to the long weekend and I have Tuesday off as well. I've accumulated some overtime so I figured it would be nice to burn some of it off and get a five-day weekend. Very exciting!

We finished laying the flooring in the nursery on Friday. I haven't taken any pictures yet but I will shortly and post them. The floor looks amazing, almost professional!! Now I can't wait to see what the room will look like once we pick a colour for the walls, paint and put the baseboard and door trim up.

We went to John's dad's for lunch today. More storybooks for the babe and some stuff for us. But the most exciting thing of all... he bought a cat clock for the nursery just like this one:

I love it!! I think it's the neatest thing and I've always wanted a cat clock!

So on the preggo front, oh my. My boobs have grown two sizes and I'm now in a 38D as opposed to a 36B. So is that two sizes or four??? Yikes. I'm definitely not comfortable, especially by the end of the day. I only bought three new bras in the fear that the "girls" will grow another size before I'm done so I really didn't want to spend all that money. I am hoping that they don't grow anymore though. Seriously.

I still haven't felt any "true" movement... like no kicking or anything. But I swear I'm feeling flutters and a little bit of what could be tapping. I have no idea. I really want the babe to start giving off some good kicks. I can't wait till they're strong enough so that John feels them too. I'm sure I won't be saying this once the babe is active and keeping me up constantly. LOL

Other than that, I'm feeling great. I'm really enjoying being pregnant now. Any kind of nausea is gone and there are days when I actually "forget" that I'm pregnant for a bit. Is that wrong? I don't think so. LOL... I just can't believe that I'm almost halfway done! We go for my 20 wk ultrasound on April 2, so as long as the baby cooperates we will know then if it's a boy or a girl... John's waiting till then to seriously consider paint colour for the room. Either way there will be no pink. I think we're just deciding on a light blue or another colour... a light green or yellow. Maybe a light purple - that's what I would like but John's deadset against it right now.

And on the exciting work front, the old biddy who's been driving me nuts with her incompetency has gone off for at least two months! I already feel less stressed even though this means dividing her caseload between two of us and increasing our work load temporarily. Oh well. It's all good.

Anyways, I'm going to take some more belly pictures and some more pictures of the nursery and post them later this weekend!

16 weeks 3 days....

2008-03-12T23:09:00.003-04:00

But anyways...

I went to the MW today for an appointment. I'm at 16wk 3days right now. Everything seems to be in order - this was my shortest visit so far - only about 20 minutes. Nothing really to talk about as I didn't have any questions and my 20 wk ultrasound is already booked. On the up side, no problems with my sugars or proteins; my blood pressure is normal; and the baby's heartbeat was nice and strong at 160 again. I met my secondary MW today - she's really nice too. We chatted for a bit and that was about it. My next appointment is April 9th with my primary MW again...

I had a dentist appointment this AM too so I killed two birds with one stone. Yay! :)

Other than that, no movement yet but I swear I'm feeling something. The baby was kicking up a storm while the MW was listening to his HB on the doppler so I'm sure I'll feel something soon. I hope so!! Can't wait for that.

My older brother is visiting the parents with his family over the March Break... I've asked him to try and hunt down some of my old children's books and bring them back to me... hopefully he's successful and I'll add some more books to the baby's already growing library (thanks to DH's dad!!).

Nursery In Progress

2008-03-02T18:17:00.003-05:00

Just some pictures of the nursery's progression...

15 Weeks!

2008-03-02T17:56:00.003-05:00

Yikes! It's March 2nd already! Where does the time go??

It's been insanely busy at work for the past two weeks so I'm using my exhaustion after work as my excuse for not updating this blog since Feb 21st... One of my coworkers - the one I've been complaining about - has been off for the last two weeks with an alleged respiratory infection. Rumour has it that she may not come back to work... I guess we'll see tomorrow. One of the other girls and I did go through her caseload and cleaned up a whole whackload of problems... So thanks to us, she's coming back to some organization. However, there's a lot more going on here and I know our manager is peeved so I'm just going to sit back and see what happens this week.

Ok, 'nuff about that.

Today is officially Week 15 of my pregnancy!! Only 25 more weeks to go! Wow!! We worked on the nursery a bit today and about half the floor is done. Unfortunately, we ran out of flooring and we have to go back to Home Depot to get some more before we can do anything else. But it's starting to look good. Amazingly, just by laying down some of the cushioning thingy (I have no idea what the name of it is but it goes underneath the flooring over the subfloor) and the room is already oh so much warmer.

Belly Pics @ 15 Weeks

Thursday Night... Is it Friday yet??

2008-02-21T22:05:00.003-05:00

This week seems to have flown by thanks to that stat holiday on Monday. Yesterday was an icky day for me - I had a nasty headache thing and sinus infection happening and I felt awfully tired. Today was a bit better but I still zonked out for a three hour nap after dinner.

I have no idea what's going on with my sinuses. My nose still bleeds on a regular basis - like every morning and throughout the day when it gets dry. I'm not impressed. It's not a flow like bleeding or anything just crusty red boogers. I know, sorry. Gross. I have a saline nose spray which seems to help but it isn't fixing anything.

Work has been great this week. The old biddy is not in to work all this week and so there's the two of us left. We're covering her caseload and are uncovering a lot of mistakes and oversights. Really funny. Well, not so much for her, but for us it is. And the chaos and havoc that she causes here at work is so apparent right now because it's missing... and it's great!! I know, I'm mean... but it's my blog and I can post my true feelings! :)

So I'm having trouble finding any names for girls that I actually like and would want to name the baby if we have a girl. John and I can agree on names but none pop out at us saying, that's it, that's the one. Ugh... thank goodness we still have time but seriously.

13 weeks and counting...

2008-02-16T23:00:00.002-05:00

I had this video emailed to me the other day. It's just too cute and I had to share.

I can't believe I'm already at 13 weeks... well I will be "officially" at midnight. LOL. Seriously... 13 weeks already. I'm feeling better now - now I just have to remember to eat more. Because I'm not as nauseous, I feel like I don't have to eat... until I let my stomach get empty and then that nagging nausea comes back. Mental note, must eat eat eat.

So Thursday in TO was ok. Nothing fantastic but it did get me out of the office which was nice. Incidentally, I logged into my work email today and it seems like I missed absolutely nothing which is wonderful. I took yesterday off work too and enjoyed a nice massage in the evening. After that, I went out for dinner with two friends and got home around 10pm. Not a late evening which is ideal.

Today was a slow start... I woke up around 9am but stayed in bed till Johnny's dad surprised me around 10:15am by showing up. So we had a cup of coffee and chatted. He dropped off more baby books and was on the way to Hamilton to just scope some things out. I caught the early afternoon matinee showing of Juno - really liked it. I cried near the end but not too badly. Then I was going to go grocery shopping but somehow ended up at Thyme Maternity and bought two more pairs of pants. LOL. I guess groceries will have to happen tomorrow.

Oh and John was such a sweetheart for Valentine's Day. I got my card (yay!) and he bought me roses and some lucky bamboo shaped in a heart. Yeah I'm lucky! =)

OMFG... my younger cat just woke herself up by falling out of her catbed. And she has the dumbest look on her fact right now. This is too funny. I think she had a dream or nightmare because she pretty much rolled/jumped out of bed. Now she's just sitting in the middle of it looking slightly dumbfounded and embarressed. LOL. Cats are silly.

Musical Due Dates...

2008-02-13T20:52:00.004-05:00

I went to the MW on Monday and had another enjoyable appointment. This was only my second appointment but it was still quite wonderful. My next appointment is with the MW who's been designated as my secondary so I get to start knowing her as well.

Nothing super duper exciting at this appointment. More personal history etc etc but I did get to hear the baby's heartbeat!! It was nice and strong at 160bpm. I also got to hear the baby kicking. Very neat!

And the MW moved the due date to August 24. Not that I mind...

Only one more day of work - how I wish this week would be over already. I swear, my one coworker is driving me insane. She's such a boob. I'm trying very very hard to not worry about what she does and how she does her work and just focus on me, but I'm finding it so hard to do this. I have no idea why this is... I just perceive her to be completely incompetent at her job and cannot fathom for the life of me as to why she still has it. And I'm not the only one who has this opinion, so I know I'm not being a complete bitch when I say this. But I really want to stop spending my energy worrying about what she is doing... but I don't think management realizes the true extent of her boobishness (is that even a word? I don't care... it is now). I really wish they would pay more attention... but apparently she's having a performance review next week so hopefully, something will come of that. I hope I hope I hope. I don't wish her ill but her performance is effecting the team as a whole so I think that's where a great deal of my frustrations lie. Ugh.

On a happy note, I'm going to TO tomorrow for a conference. I was supposed to go with my manager but she's ill and so I'm going by myself. And she's asked me to gather all the important info and bring it back to her. The email she sent me was really nice, kind of reinforcing her trust in my abilities. So that was a bit of an ego boost.

And on Friday I'm going for a massage!! I can't wait!!!!!

Another Sunday... another weekend gone

2008-02-10T20:06:00.001-05:00

I can't believe it's already Sunday evening again. Where in the world does the weekend go? I'm looking forward to this week though - I have Friday off and I might be going to Toronto for training on Thursday, so I'll only have three days in the office. Can't complain about that. My supervisor has been on vacation for 2 weeks so that's why I say might for the training. All I know is that two of us get to go and out of three of us, I'm the only one who's said yes, I definitely want to go. So hopefully, fingers crossed, I get to go.

I took Friday off to make my long weekend even longer - unfortunately John has to go away this weekend (booo) so it's going to be three days by my lonesome. At least he's home on Monday so we do have Family Day together. Oh well... so much for planning a long weekend. I'm going to try and get in for a massage on Friday and I want to go see the movie Juno... I just checked the theatre websites and it's only playing in one theatre here locally and they only have it listed till Feb 14... I really hope it's still here on the 15th. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

So today, John started working on the nursery - he's been sanding and filling the holes in the walls with putty up till now and today he put the first coat of primer on the walls. It went pretty quick but by the end, the paint fumes were overwhelming even him. Unfortunately, the next coat can't go on for 2 weeks since John won't be here next weekend.

Oh, so this morning I had a mini-meltdown. I have no idea what it was but I just suddenly felt so overwhelmed while I was taking a shower. Kind of in a feeling sorry for myself way. My boobs are about 1-1.5 cup sizes bigger now and I can tell the difference and I got a mild case of hemmhroids from straining too hard the other day (sorry, TMI, I know)... so between sore boobies and a sore bum, it just got the better of me. I just had a short crying jag and then was ok again. I guess I can blame the prego hormones for this eh?

Oh, exciting news... I signed my release papers from the military on Thursday (the 7th). My official release date is Feb 15/08. What a relief to have that done and overwith. I can honestly say, I had a great (almost) 14 years but it's definitely time to move on now. Life moves on and so must I... unfortunately, some people seem to forget or want to resist the fact that we all have to eventually "grow up" and assume different responsibilities. Most of the guys have been quite supportive and understanding of my decision to release but there are a few who just don't get it. Oh well. I know I made the right decision for me...

Anyways, I think that's about all the news I have. I'm going to the Midwife tomorrow for a check-up and then I'm going to visit my friend Suzanne who's off on mat leave with her babe. So this week is going to be super short!! YAYNESS!!!

First set of belly pictures

Taken February 10, 2008

11w, 6d

pre-pregnancy weight = 150lb

current weight = 153lb

Snow Day!!

2008-02-01T21:14:00.000-05:00

Today was a snow day for me!! Yay yay yay!! I was actually going to drive into work but John convinced me not to... and as the day progressed and as I watched the news, I was quite happy to have stayed at home.

So I really didn't do too much today - did some dishes and there's some laundry that's done, but that was mostly John, not my doing. I just vegged out. I picked up Shopaholic and Baby yesterday at Shoppers (25% off!!) and I'm already done reading it! It was really good - just as funny as her other books. I think I might've found it even better just because I'm preggers right now too... you know, that whole empathy thing. :)

So I have to vent... I'm finally to the point where I'm done being nice and accepting random pregnancy advice from people - especially from people WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN PREGNANT. Like seriously, WTF? Do you think that I am not so freakin' paranoid about losing this little bean that I haven't already read everthing I could get my hands on regarding what to do and what not to do, what to eat and what not to eat, studies, literature, etc etc etc. It's so bloody irritating - almost everyday I open up my email and there is at least one email offering me advice... usually starting with "just thought you might like to know...." and then more useless information. Or the flipside of this is being "baited" with the question "how are you feeling?" and then being TOLD what I should be doing to make myself feel better. F&*K off. Seriously. You've never been pregnant and you DON'T know how I feel. Stop telling me to drink this, eat that, walk a certain way, do a certain exercise, not do something, not wear something but wear something else... UGH. I have my good friends that HAVE been through one or more pregnancies that can relate to what I'm experiencing and offer suggestions WHEN I ASK... This is what I want and need. I don't need people telling me what to do when they haven't experienced this themselves. Seriously, it's just irritating me all to hell.

So maybe that's the pregnancy hormones talking but maybe not...

Anyways... I'm going to my brother's tomorrow to see him and his family (I have a five year old niece - 6 in March). It should be a good afternoon.

Symptomwise - I'm doing OK I think. I usually wake up early in the morning having to pee really badly but the morning sickness is gone... unfortunately it's been replaced by a lingering nausea that pops up whenever I'm hungry and becomes quite strong by dinner time making almost everything unappetizing. Fantastic eh? I really hope my normal appetite comes back soon but I know there's a chance that it won't. Oh well.

What else - oh a good friend of mine is finally on Facebook. She's about 2-3 weeks behind me in her pregnancy so it's nice to have someone to chat with and now we can do this more regularly since she's joined crackbook... So that makes me happy! :)

10 week ultrasound

2008-01-29T21:48:00.000-05:00

So I went to the hospital on Monday to have my ultrasound. I swear, this was one of the best experiences I've had. And I think, just based on this, I will never, ever listen to anyone who ever says anything negative about an experience they've had. Let me tell you why...

Firstly, the whole drinking water thing. Maybe I'm just lucky or maybe not. But I really didn't have that much trouble drinking the 1 litre of water they asked me to. I simply grabbed a 1L Nalgene bottle (those things are great) and filled it up. Got in the car with John and sipped the water all the way to the hospital (we live about a 20 min drive away). I started drinking around 9:15am (u/s was at 10am) and I finished just as we checked in to the u/s department. And there was a method to my madness and it did work because the tech even commented on how nice and full my bladder looks. So a word to the wise - don't start drinking the water till about 45-60min before the u/s and take it easy. I had no discomfort during the u/s and didn't have to rush to find a bathroom till about 20 minutes after the fact. So life was good!

And I have to say how wonderful the tech was. She was super nice and tried to point out the baby's features on the u/s. She said that everything looked normal and gave us an update on the babe and the EDD according to the u/s. No horror stories...

So I have to say, if all my experiences with this pregnancy will be this positive... YAY!!! Let's do it again. LOL!!

I'm happy though - I'm going to give birth at the same hospital that I had this u/s done at and so far, I've had only positive experiences there. The last time I was there was in 2004 for my breast reduction and I had the same, wonderful experience. So I'm feeling pretty pumped about all of this.

10 week ultrasound

30mm CRL

heartrate = 172

Back to Basics....

2008-01-24T21:44:00.000-05:00

I think it's amazing how we seem to revert back to the basics when we're pregnant... Or maybe it's just me. But it seems like my life is now revolving around eating, sleeping and pooping. Seriously. Maybe not in that order. But I'm taking pleasure out of all three. Hmmm... I wonder what Freud would have to say about that? Stuck in my oral and anal stages of development.

I had a ridiculous hotdog craving today at work... starting at 9am!! I had a staff meeting that lasted about 2 hours and all I could think about through the whole thing was that I needed to have a hotdog or two for lunch. Luckily I did find a restaurant across from work that sells yummy hotdogs so I was able to satisfy that craving. How bizarre.

2008-01-23T20:30:00.000-05:00

What to write... It's been busy crazy hectic at work these last few days. One of my good friends and coworkers is sick with some norwalk-like virus thingy so she's been gone for the last two days and I've been covering her caseload. Luckily she's very organized and it's been pretty easy to do coverage for her... but I'm still behind in my casenotes now and I do have to enter two or three more before the end of the week. Gawd I hate paperwork sometimes. Even better, there's another coworker who's... odd... I think that's the nicest way to put it. Anyways, I "caught" her in a lie on Tuesday but I can't confront her about her lie because I know the truth from a third source... but she has now lost any credibility that she had left with me. Oh the drama... sometimes I just can't stand working with primarily women. Other days it's great. What can you do eh.

On the baby front, I'm starting to feel much better - still don't feel like I can eat pizza or drink coffee but other than that, I think my food aversions are going away. I actually had a MacDonald's cheeseburger yesterday... to be honest though, even thinking of that now is kind of making me queasy. I'm starting to have cravings for really salty things like french fries and yes, pickles. Oh the joys.

** ** ** TMI Alert ** ** **

And I felt so constipated the other day... I'm back to normal again today but geez, that was such not a good feeling. I'm going to have to make sure I eat enough fruit and drink enough water every day. I'm not impressed by how much my bowels have slowed down - not to mean I'm not regular but just how much the consistency has changed. Yup it's much more thicker and tarry. Sorry dear reader but it's true. It's just weird - I wonder how long this lasts.

2008-01-21T21:01:00.000-05:00

Oh so tired.... It seems like my nausea is finally letting up (yayness!!) and is being replaced by sleepiness. I'm so happy that the nausea is letting up. This is so wonderful. The thought of pizza is becoming less yucky by the day - so I might actually be able to eat it in the next 2 weeks. I don't seem to be developing anymore food aversions. I'm still totally disgusted by some odors - I put the garbage out over the weekend and actually ended up puking and (yes, this is gross) DH's farts made me gag too. LOL But other than that, I'm doing a bit better.

Of course this makes me all neurotically worried that there's something wrong with the baby (because I'm not as sick as I was before) but common sense is telling me that's just me being crazy. I did step on the scale this evening and got a whopping 158 lbs! I'm usually 150 lb in the morning first thing and maybe 155 lb at the end of the day. So now I'm curious to see what I'll weight tomorrow morning first thing. I can't believe I tipped the scales at 158! Yikes.

My first two Bella Bands came in the post the other day and I'm loving them - I truly can't do my pants up without getting a muffin top so I'm loving these bands. I got another parcel notice today too so I'm hoping this is my third Bella Band... then I'll be set. :)

So I'm getting all excited because this time next week I'll have had my first ultrasound and hopefully an u/s picture of the babe!!! I really can't believe it. Honestly, this pregnancy is still a bit surreal for me and I can't wait to have something concrete in my hands... after that I'll be waiting with bated breath for the first movements and the u/s that will hopefully reveal boy or girl!

2008-01-18T22:14:00.000-05:00

And here are some pictures of our first two "babies." Aren't they the sweetest? The tabby's name is Twix and she's about 5 and the black & white DMH is Cloud and she's maybe 2....

2008-01-18T21:51:00.000-05:00

I suck so bad at keeping this regularly updated... but I'm trying my best. Honest! :)

Work has kept me ridiculously busy and I feel like there are not enough hours in the day. And the sleepiness is now hitting me and I'm feeling perpetually tired. Tired and hungry. Tired, hungry and nauseous. It seems like I'm rotating between those feelings - or even better - experiencing two or more simultaneously! The fun doesn't stop.

I've been able to stomach eating a larger variety of food now - I've had my first Wendy's burger the other day - Tuesday I think it was - since my BFP. It was quite exciting to keep that down. I know, small pleasures. But let me tell you - the mere mention of pizza still makes my stomach CHURN like there is no tomorrow. Oh and I've developed another interesting little thing - I'm dry heaving / gagging more often now than I did before. I have no idea where THAT's coming from. Fantastic.

In other excitement - my cellphone was stolen from my office almost two weeks ago. I thought I had pregnancy brain and had misplaced it but one of my friends saw me put my cellphone into my filing cabinent at work. So I let it go all last week in the hopes that someone would be nice enough and return it. No such luck. So DH bought me a new cellphone on Wednesday.

Well, I got a phonecall yesterday from one of my friends who said some lady called her to say she has found a cellphone and could she identify the number. Sure enough it was my phone. Long story short, SOMEHOW, my cellphone ended up in the shredding at work (I'm positive I didn't put it there) and got picked up and shipped out to a city 2 hours away that does our shredding. They obviously couldn't shred the phone and were nice enough to bring it back. Sad part is, now I have two phones. LOL Oh well. I was more worried about the family pictures and the telephone numbers I had saved on the phone. So I'm glad to have the phone back nonetheless. I just wish they would've called 48 hours sooner. Would've saved me a few $$.

DH has bought some primer for the nursery and I think part of the weekend project will be to sand and prime the nursery - I can't believe we're already starting on this!

Here are some pics of the nursery as it is right now... the beginnings of the reno:

Yeah, I know, it doesn't look the greatest yet by any means. But we do have a few more months to work on it!!

Anyways... I'm VERY tired so I think it's off to bed for me.

2008-01-13T21:01:00.000-05:00

And so the shopping frenzy begins... My jeans that I wore to work on Friday (yay dressdown days!) were too tight in the morning when I put them on and so I had to use an elastic band to close them up. I could have buttoned them if I really wanted to but it was way too uncomfortable and I looked like a squished muffin top. Seriously. So I went to Old Navy today and bought my first maternity clothes. Yikes! A pair of jeans which are uber comfy, a pair of grey pants which seem somewhat casual but I can get away with wearing them at work on non-dressdown days and two tops. All the clothes look quite cute and I can so get used to wearing maternity clothes! :) Now the question is... is it too early to be buying mat clothes at 7 weeks??? Seriously?

On another note... talked to the excited parents tonight. Apparently they're going to come down "for a few weeks" (my mother's words) when the baby is born to help out. This should be good and helpful... I wonder what it'll truly be like? And where are we going to put them up. The "extra room" which was going to be the "spare room" is now the nursery. The upstairs is DH's computer / toy room. I guess we can put a bed up there - but we need a bed big enough and comfortable enough... Thank goodness we still have 7.5 months! LOL

It's got to be the hormones...

2008-01-11T22:10:00.000-05:00

Today was an okay day for the majority... went to work even though I had absolutely no motivation to do so. My manager has obviously already spread the good news as I had tonnes of coworkers congratulating me all day long. I'll admit it - it was really nice to be the centre of attention. Yup, I liked it. LOL

Got most of my work done today but I'm still behind on about two files' worth of paperwork. And I had a client tell me today that I don't know what their life is like because I don't stick needles in my arm. Jeez.... all I could think for a second was, well thank gawd for that. Anyways...

Got home and DH was playing WoW online (lucky bugger still had this week off work). I'm starving by this time and have had a BAD nachoes craving all day. I still can't even think of some foods without having my stomach turn (pizza is one of them and even just saying pizza makes me feel nauseous) so I was so happy and excited to be craving something like nachoes. Well for some reason this turned into a huge issue as DH wanted pizza and I tried to explain to him why I can't eat pizza... He actually seemed poopy in the pants because I didn't want (more like COULDN'T) to eat pizza. Ugh.... so this turned into a cryfest for me. How silly now that I look back but it was pretty important.

I guess the good news is that I got my nachoes. LOL

The MW left a message yesterday and I'm going on January 28 for my dating ultrasound. Can't wait... but I'm not looking forward to drinking all that water beforehand. I just hope I can make it without having to pee.

Oh and my jeans were too tight today for work. How sad is that?? I had to loop a rubber band around the button hole and my button so I could close it up. I'm so not impressed that the Bella Bands I ordered off EBay aren't here yet. And I'm not impressed that my pants are getting too tight... but it's kind of exciting too I guess. =)

Doctor vs. Midwife

2008-01-10T20:28:00.000-05:00

And I think I can now rant about why I love my MW better than my doctor already. I went to my doctor on the 7th and saw the MW on the 9th. Both were very nice to me but you can so see the difference in their scope of practice.

Doctor's Appt
- showed up at 1:20 for a 1:30pm appointment
- clinic was full and backed up so I wasn't seen till 2:15pm and initially it was by a nurse
- peed in a cup and was asked for my LMP date
- told her it was Nov 17 but that I didn't ovulate at CD 14, weird cycle, I'm chartin so I know this, etc etc... didn't listen to me and said it doesn't matter
- saw the doctor, had a Pap (not fun), had an internal to see if a vaginal birth is feasible (even more uncomfortable), asked about my LMP... told him the same thing about CD 14... he at least gave me the courtesy of pretending to listen but didn't note anything down on my chart except that I'm at 7.5 weeks
- asked me if he had ordered bloodwork yet, I said no, so I got a requisition and then told me to see another nurse about the triple screen (I had no idea at the time what that meant)
- so I saw the other nurse about the triple screen and she made a note on my requisition and handed me some reading literature (which now I know is a bit outdated)

I went and got my bloodwork done on the 8th. Six viles of blood and a urine test later.... ugh.

Midwife Appointment on the 9th
- Showed up at 3:55pm for 4pm appointment
- was given a tour of the clinic right away, explained where everything is, how the lending library works (books and dvds!!)
- asked to test my own urine before each appt (for glucose) and let my MW know if there's any deviation from the norm - was shown where the testing strips are and how to do it
- met my MW and sat and talked for 45 minutes about Midwifery care, etc.
- asked about LMP, explained about the whole O on CD 23 not CD 14 thing - she asked if I had my charts with me (of course I did!) and she LOVED them... asked which program I used to track and apologized for getting excited over charts
- had a good laugh as we both seem to be anally retentive in a good way
- agreed to schedule a dating ultrasound so we could find out if my due date is Aug 24 or Sep 2

Some things I already love about my MW:
- talked to me about all the testing that will be coming up in the near future (like the triple screen which is actually called IPS) and is giving me all the information so I can make an informed decision on whether or not to get it done
- giving me statistical information so I can make a decision on where to have the birth (the two hospitals I was considering have much more differences between them than I thought - one has a 38% c-section rate!!!!!!!!)
- the MW will come out to my house (yes, you read that right) when I first go into labour to see how far I'm dilated to save me a trip to the hospital
- I have her pager number so I can call her anytime
- I've been assigned a MW team so I will always have 2 MWs at the birth guaranteed. I get to meet the rest of my team at my 3rd visit

And I'm sure the list goes on....

Telling Ppl at Work

2008-01-10T20:20:00.000-05:00

Yikes! It's been a while. My bad. I was back to work on January 2nd... did not want to go back and it was so hard not to share the PG news with everyone (that I like) at work. But I held out. There were only a few people that I told: my friend Kristin who I told during the Xmas break over MSN because she's been super excited for this to happen; to my friend Kandy who kind of guessed the second day back at work that I was; and Kandy passed the news on to my friend Carol (with my ok) who was still on holidays.

SO I had my doctor's appointment on the 7th and because it's so unlike me to miss work, my friend Pearl came to me the next day with a huge grin on her face and said, so what's the news? So I just had to tell her. LOL

I told my manager today and had a wonderful reaction. I wish every PG woman who has to tell her supervisor that she's pregnant has the same reaction as I did. I got a squeal and a huge congrats and we talked about her experiences with her pregnancies. And I got the "just tell me when you have an appointment, no worries..." Which is a nice relief. And she asked if the news was public and I said that it is now, so she doesn't have to keep it secret... so I'm relieved. Now I can talk about it with my friends and not have to whisper. LOL

2007-12-28T22:39:00.000-05:00

It's official I guess... we've told everyone that matters about our BFP! My brother and sister in law were the last family to know and they were very excited for us! And the Midwives called us back and I've been taken into care with them & my first appointment is January 9th!! Yay!!!! I'm very excited to see what that's going to be like.

So you can say I have been blessed because I don't have any m/s yet and I have yet to have many food aversions. I'm actually feeling quite "normal" (aka "unpregnant") except for ongoing, sporadic AF-like cramping... That's during the day. At night it's a completely different story. Even a few days, maybe a week before my BFP, I started having quite vivid dreams. Most have been in colour and most I remember after I wake up. Which is the second problem. Ever since my BFP, I find myself waking up a minimum of two, usually three or four times a night. Not to go to the bathroom, just waking up out of a dream. And I'm wide awake. As in staring at the ceiling.... It takes me anywhere from 10-30 minutes to fall asleep afterwards. So far it hasn't affected me during the day but I'm going back to work on the 2nd after the holidays and I'm wondering what this erractic sleep is going to do for me then??

Just another day....

2007-12-26T19:12:00.001-05:00

Interestingly enough, no major PG symptoms today. A bit of cramping in the AM and I felt pretty hungry too but other than that, nothing major. Oh yes and some gas. LOL

John and I went to Home Depot today (after hitting EB and Big B Comics of course) and we now have the flooring for the nursery! We also had lunch with some good friends and (shhh, don't tell) they might be PG too!!! I hope so!! It would be so cool if they were.

I'm hoping to hear back from the midwives soon and I'm waiting with bated breath for my Jan 7th appointment. I hope that it'll make me feel just a bit less anxious... I know nothing bad is going to happen - ok I don't know for sure but whatever - but I just want some sort of confirmation that I'm PG and everything is a-ok. I'm so (irrationally) worried about miscarrying... don't know why but apparently it's normal to be worried so I'll just try and relax (if any of that makes sense whatsoever).

2007-12-25T00:00:00.001-05:00

OK, I've finally realized what one of my big PG symptoms is.... I'm gassy. Like no one's business. Ewww gross. =P

2007-12-24T22:40:00.000-05:00

So I made a few important phone calls today:

1 - to the GP's... I have an appointment on January 7 for my first prenatal
2 - to the Hamilton Midwives - they took my information and they said they'll call me back by the end of the week to let me know if they will take me on
3 - to my parents - they're ecstatic!! 'Nuff said. :)

Other than that, I'm feeling quite well... some cramping intermittently throughout the day but nothing else... Trying to start eating healthier.... LMAO

2007-12-24T13:18:00.000-05:00

So I was able to hold on till just after midnight yesterday. John and I played some WoW and then decided to go to bed. Both of us were having insomnia, for different reasons I think, so I coaxed him into opening his "Xmas gift." What I had done is I wrapped a book I bought for him yesterday "So You're Going to be a Dad" as well as the ClearBlue digital and a soft plush Optimus Prime toy. Of course, being a guy and all, he ripped into the present, was stoked about the Optimus Prime and then just looked at the book kind of quizzically and said "but I'm not going to be a dad." He hadn't seen the HPT at this point... so I pulled out the HPT and he just looked at me for a second and said "who did you pay off to POAS for you?" I said, no, that's me. I'm pregnant... after a second of mild shock he was quite happy and started right into reading the book!!!So this morning, amazingly, I got ahold of my GP and have a prenatal appointment for January 7th. I also got in touch with one of the local midwife services and they will call me by the end of the week to let me know whether or not they can take me on as a client...

And for the sake of posterity...

2007-12-23T23:56:00.000-05:00

Here are pictures of the BFP!!

OMFG

2007-12-23T18:52:00.000-05:00

Seriously... OMFG... I am pregnant! I still can't believe it and DH (dear husband) doesn't know yet. I'm trying to keep it secret until Xmas so I can surprise him. Can you believe it??? I still can't. I don't really know why but I decided to POAS today before I went out and sure enough it was a BFP (big fat positive). But it was one of those Dollarama cheapie HPTs... but I trusted it. I POAS on a ClearBlue digital later today and it was a BFP too!! So I guess it's official!!! Whoo hoo! I have to call the dr's office not now but right now - ok maybe as soon as they're open after the holidays - and book an appointment. And I have to find a midwife thingamabobber... I have no idea what they're called.... clinic? service? Whatever. FF (fertility friend) says my EDD is August 31, 2008... we'll see what the doctor comes up with. How exciting!